De reditu Damnatorum
by rantandrumour
Summary: Sequel to Sixty Minutes. She has been lost in this perfect world for as long as she can remember. But now the world has been invaded and she will have to deal with the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**This continues on from my fic 60 Minutes, so if you haven't read that, this will make no sense (although if you read my summary it might...) A refresher for those who have: Alex had been kidnapped by a man who would torture his victims for one hour before killing them. Gene was unable to find her and for six months believed her dead. He found her, only to find out that she was mad. She eventually returned, but the psychologist told Gene to wait at least a month before taking her on a case. 3 weeks later, Gene is missing at the hands of the same man who kidnapped Alex. They try desperately to find him, but get there one second too late and Gene has a knife sticking out of his chest. This proves too overwhelming for the freshly recovered Alex and she slips into a waking coma. When we last left them, Gene was visiting her daily, trying desperately to get her to return.**

* * *

><p>She lay on the grassy hill, staring up into the clear blue sky. The weather was perfect here. It was always that way. It was always the right temperature, and never overcast unless she wanted it to be. This world was her utopia, and she never wanted to let it go.<p>

She could remember a time when it had not been this way. When she had first come to this world, full of despair and sorrow, the world had been dark and stormy. She had always been wet and cold and miserable. In the beginning this world had only been a place to hide away for a while anyway. But slowly, this beautiful new world became her home, and as she forgot more about the world she had come from, the more perfect this world became.

She no longer had any idea of who she was or where she came from. Nor did she care. The only thing she could remember about her life before this one was the sorrow she had brought over. And she knew that she definitely did not want to remember who she was. If she remembered who she was, she would probably remember why she had been so sad. And she did not want sadness creeping into her paradise.

A cat climbed into her lap and mewed, looking up at her expectantly. She grinned and started petting its soft head. The world was full of animals she had wanted, but not too many. She owned both a cat and a dog, as well as a horse and a very tame lion. This world was in complete harmony, and she and all the animals got along. There was no fighting in this world.

A breath of wind passed over the hill and swore she could hear someone's voice saying a name to her. Every once in a while, she thought she would hear voices in the wind, but thought nothing of it. They were nothing. She was staying here. She loved it here.

She stood, putting the cat on the ground and walked over to an oak tree a ways away from the hill. She swung herself up on the lowest branch and climbed up to the top, but the rough bark did not scratch her bare feet. She could not get hurt here. She could jump from the highest branch and land nimbly on her toes. She knew the concept of pain, but she no longer knew the feeling and in that she rejoiced.

The wind whispered to her again, and the voice that spoke seemed louder. _"Let's go to dinner, Alex," _the voice said softly.

She frowned, looking down at the grass four metres below her. Dinner? She had no idea what dinner was. She never ate in this world, never had the need to. Food was an idea lost in her transition between worlds.

Slightly disturbed, she jumped down from the tree. She landed beautifully on the balls of her feet, like she was only jumping a few centimetres instead of several metres, just as she knew she would. She decided to go in search of her lion, a docile male without a name. Like her, nothing here had a name.

She travelled through the world only she knew, passing the old house she had loved the moment she had seen it and a field full of her favourite flowers. The air had cooled slightly, as she had started to grow hot on her pursuit of her lion. She went over another hill and there her lion was, taking a nap in the warm sunshine.

She ran down the hill and gently put her hand on the lion's tawny stomach. She stroked the soft fur, loving the feeling beneath her fingers. The lion's silvery blue eyes opened and looked at her, but the lion did nothing. It merely lay, letting her continue to stroke its soft stomach. After a while, she moved up to its golden mane, staring out into the grassy field, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. She contemplated the beautiful silence, how much she loved it. Once in a while there was a song of the birds, but usually it was silent, the quiet only broken by the whispered words of the wind.

The sun was starting to set now and she was growing tired. She smiled, looking at the animal next to her.

"What do you think?" she asked, moving around to the front of the lion. "Do you think I can use you for a pillow tonight?"

The lion blinked once and extended a paw, pulling her close to his warm body. She smiled, snuggling against the warm fur which smelled oddly of whiskey and cigarettes. There was something in that smell that saddened her, but the cause of the sadness had been forgotten long ago.

She hadn't always had the lion either. After the freezing rains and angry storms had stopped, the world had only been her with the cat, dog and horse. The lion had come after her world had stopped being invaded by the man she knew was impossible. She did not know what was impossible about him, but she knew that something about his appearance in the world was wrong, and so had ignored his pleas, ignored him. Slowly, he had come less and less, and the lion started to appear more. Now, he rarely came and she could almost always find the lion. And that was the way it should be. The lion was not an impossibility, but the man was.

She stared at the sunset, the deep red of the sinking sun relaxing her from the concern she had felt earlier. The voice had been nothing. Alex was no one. Alex was like the impossible man.

The lion snuffled in its sleep and she smiled drowsily. This was her world. This was her perfect world. And no one could take it away, not even the impossible man. Because he did not exist. No one existed except her. And she was happy with this.

~(*)~

Ruth stared at the chart on the table, not taking anything in. She was completely distracted, not thinking about anything but the woman who sat in the rocking chair, staring out the window. Something had happened earlier. She had been getting Alex ready to go to dinner, something that she had done ever since Gene Hunt had stopped visiting everyday nearly three years ago. But tonight, when she had talked to her, there had been a flash of expression on Alex's face. At least, Ruth believed there was.

Ruth didn't want to believe. Alex had been catatonic for nearly four years, and all the staff believed that nothing would bring her out of it now. The few people that visited had stopped coming, each visit taking a toll on them. Frankly, she didn't blame them. From what she had heard, Alex Drake had been one of the strongest women imaginable. And she had to have been. A woman couldn't just do nothing and become a detective inspector. But now, the woman wasn't even Alex anymore. Alex's body was a shell, living, breathing, but the soul that had once resided there was gone. So how could Ruth explain the slight change of Alex's face before she went to dinner? How could she walk up to Amy and tell her that Alex had frowned for just a second before her face went to its normal blank expression? Amy wouldn't believe her. She would just think that Ruth had gone mad.

Ruth knew that she had to keep this development to herself until something else happened. Something bigger.

"Are you going to put Alex to bed tonight?" Amy asked, snapping her out of her reverie.

"What?"

"Were you going to put Alex to bed tonight, or am I?" Amy was leaning on the desk, looking bored.

"Is it ten already?" When Gene had come, he had always put her to bed early. After he had stopped, Ruth had realised that Alex was awake far past the 9.00 bedtime he had her on. For that reason, they had pushed putting her to bed to ten.

"No," Amy replied. "It's only about nine-thirty. But she fell asleep in the chair."

Ruth frowned. "That's odd. Usually she's still awake when we leave."

"I know. She went to sleep when the sun started to go down."

_And she almost looked content,_ Amy thought, but dared not to say anything out loud. Ruth would think her mental if she said that Alex had an expression on her face. Besides, people didn't just magically come out of a waking coma, did they?

"I can put her to bed tonight," Ruth replied finally. "You put her to bed last night." In reality, Ruth just wanted to see if she was really imagining things earlier or not.

"Sounds good. I'll finish this charting, shall I?"

Ruth nodded and stood, moving away from the desk and towards the woman in the rocker. What Amy had said was true. Alex was out like a light. Ruth felt bad for disturbing her. She almost looked content. Ruth shook her head. There was no way that Alex was looking content. People didn't magically recover from something like this.

Kneeling next to Alex's chair, Ruth put her hand on Alex's shoulder. "Alex," she murmured. Alex didn't respond. Ruth wasn't sure how to do this. She had never had to wake Alex up before, and the morning shift had said that she was always awake by the time they came in.

"Alex," Ruth murmured again, shaking Alex's shoulder gently. Alex snapped her eyes open, looking at her in wide-eyed fear before her face returned to its normal expressionless look. Ruth stared at the woman a moment. There was no doubt now. She really had seen an expression on Alex's face. Alex had heard her somehow.

Dazed, Ruth grabbed Alex's hands and pulled her up into a standing position. "C'mon Alex," she murmured. "Let's go to bed."

~(*)~

She woke with a start. For a moment, she couldn't figure out where she was. It seemed like she was in a building, with bright lights and a grey-haired woman sitting next to her. Then she blinked and was back in her world, but it was overcast and dark.

The wind blew fiercely, the whispered words she always heard now a scream. _"C'mon Alex. Let's go to bed." _She didn't understand the words that were said. She had known that language before she came, but had forgotten it somewhere along the line. The words she spoke to the lion were of her own creation, used in only her world.

She shivered nervously, feeling for the lion next to her. He was there, breathing gently. She curled back up next to him, closing her eyes and hoping that she'd forget it in the morning.

However, when the sun started to creep up in the sky a week later, she had not forgotten. The light woke her, but the sight of the world disturbed her. The sky was cloudy, and she did not want it to be so. The colours of everything seemed to have faded over the week. The grass, which had once been the deepest shade of emerald, now looked sickly and grey. The only thing that did not seem to lose its brilliance was the lion, which was still magnificently golden.

"What's going on?" she whispered to the lion. "What's happening?"

The only time this had ever happened before was when the Impossible Man visited. For some reason, when he invaded her world, it had seemed less real. But she knew that the Impossible Man wasn't here. If he was, the lion would not be.

Rain started to fall from the clouds, cold and wet. She never let it rain here. That could only mean one thing.

"NO!" she screamed. The world was falling apart. It couldn't fall apart. It was her perfect world.

"_Alex!"_ The wind blew fiercely. "_Alex are you okay?"_

"NO! PLEASE GOD NO!" She didn't understand why the world was falling apart. She didn't even know what the person was saying. What was Alex? Why was her world falling apart for an _Alex?_

The world was starting to fade even further. Again, the only thing that hadn't lost colour was the lion. It was staring at her gently.

She started to sob as the wind whipped her hair, soaking wet.

"_What's going on?" _the wind screamed with another voice. She felt something nuzzle her, the only warmth that now appeared to be in her world.

She looked up to see the lion. Once more it nuzzled her and then sat down, staring at her, tail flicking expectantly.

"What's going on?" she whispered. "What's happening to my world?"

There was intense sorrow in the lion's silvery blue eyes. It looked almost like it was apologising. She realised what it was trying to tell her.

"I can't leave this world," she whispered, choking with sobs. "Please. No."

The lion licked her on the cheek once and then lay down in front of her, putting its paws out and pulling her in. She sobbed into the lion's stomach, curled into a tight ball as the colours faded to grey and eventually disappeared altogether.

The weight and warmth of the lion disappeared from around her and she opened her eyes to a different world than she had been used to for so long. Two women stood around her. One was the older woman she had seen the week before and the other was a younger brunette.

Tears formed in her eyes and ran silently down her face as she realised what had happened. She had lost her perfect world and was back in the land of the sadness again.

~(*)~

Gene sat as his desk, staring out at his CID. They weren't working – they hardly ever did – but he didn't really care today. He was staring at the calendar. It was a week until the next holiday and he was dreading it. Visiting Alex every day had torn him apart too much and now he only visited on holidays, on her birthday and on the anniversary of her first section. Each visit was short, but at the end of them, he felt like he had aged ten years.

He looked up at the clock. It was almost six. Almost lunch. His phone rang and he jumped, not expecting it. "Better not be the scum of London right now," he murmured to himself.

He picked up the phone and grunted his surname into the receiver.

"Gene?" a hesitant voice asked on the other end. His stomach dropped. He would recognise that voice anywhere.

"Ruth."

"Gene, I think you better come down." She sounded nervous and anxious, mixed together with some kind of fear and excitement.

"Why?" he said, starting to worry about what had happened on the ward. Had one of the patients attacked Alex?

"Gene...Alex. She's come back."

Gene stared at the phone for a split second before hanging up without saying anything and grabbing his overcoat. He jumped over his desk and rushed out the door, yelling something about lunchtime to the idle CID before getting in the Quattro and screaming down the road towards the ward.

Alex had come back. She had done the impossible.

**to be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**I just wanted to let you know that updates should come regularly with this, as I've gotten it completely written, except for 1-2 chaps in the middle. I didn't want to leave another fic unfinished, so I completed it before I posted. Besides, I've known since 60 Minutes the reason why Alex could not return from her catatonia, and if she ever would... I just left out a paragraph and now have this whole story. I should have just left in the paragraph!**

**Chapter 2**

She stared at the two humans in front of her nervously. She had no idea who they were or what she was doing here. The only thing she knew was that they were built like her. They must be the same gender.

"Alex," said one. She looked like the older of the two; her face was more lined than the other's.

She looked away, looking for what the Alex was. She jumped as she felt something on her hand.

"Alex," the person said.

She looked at the person and the person smiled. They said something in their language and she frowned. She had no idea what any of it meant.

"Who are you?" she tried to say, but when she spoke, the two looked at her oddly.

The first person looked at the second and said something in their own tongue again. The second shook her head and replied. Their tones seemed somewhat saddened, but at the same time excited.

There was a loud noise from outside the room she was in. It was an angry, buzzing sound. One of the two left the room, but the other, the older one continued to stare at her.

"Alex," she said again.

She was growing angry. _What_ was so important about an Alex? Why did they keep saying it and why did they rip her out of her world in order to find it?

There was a pounding noise outside of her room, growing closer and closer before stopping. She looked away from the person in her room, out a clear piece of the wall. She was amazed. It was beautiful on the other side, green grass everywhere. However, a large wall surrounded the field. She was trapped somewhere, she realised. She was in some sort of prison.

There was a voice now, a deep voice. She turned to look and stopped dead. It was the Impossible Man. He was in this world. She realised suddenly that he must have brought her back somehow. The world had always seemed less real when he was there and now, it had disappeared altogether.

"You!" she said angrily, striding over to him, wanting to hurt him. She knew that there had to be pain in this world, and she would cause him to feel it. However, as she approached, he grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her in to him.

"Alex," he said.

She pulled away. What was he doing to her? Why did he pull her in like that? Did he want to hurt her as well? She didn't want him touching her. She didn't trust him. She looked deep into his eyes which seemed hurt. She realised then, his eyes were the same colour as the lion's. For a moment, her anger vanished.

"Alex," he said again, ending the calm.

She was so frustrated. What were they talking about? What was this Alex thing? Why couldn't they speak properly? She had had it. She wasn't going to stay here any longer. They could find their Alex thing on their own. She was going to find her world again, to go back to the perfection and the happiness. She walked past the Impossible Man and the other one in the room and walked out the door, determined to find the way out of the place.

"Alex!" the Impossible Man called.

She found a door leading to stairs and knew that was the way out. She tried the handle, but it wouldn't budge. She was locked in here. She really was in prison.

The Impossible Man was behind her again, looking worried. She turned and walked past him, determined to find a way to exit this horrible place. Even to go out where the grass was would be better than staying in here.

However, before she could get past him, the Impossible Man grabbed her arm. He said something to her, but she didn't understand.

"Let me go!" she yelled, but he merely looked at her and started to drag her back to the room. She fought against him, but he was much stronger than she and he put her back in the room before he and the other person left, shutting the door behind them. She heard the door lock, but didn't believe it. She tried the handle, but it wouldn't budge. She then started to pound against the door. She kicked and hit it, but it didn't move, didn't even get a dent. Exhausted, she slid down against the wall, weeping bitterly.

They had taken her away from her world and were now keeping her prisoner in theirs. That wasn't fair. She would get them back, and she would get back to her world. Of that she was certain.

~(*)~

Gene listened to the pounding against the door stop, feeling horribly guilty. However, he couldn't help a small grin as he looked at Ruth.

"That's Alex alright," he said. "She always was a stubborn cow."

Ruth smiled sadly.

"So she doesn't understand us at all?" Gene asked as they walked to the nurse's station.

Ruth shook her head. "It doesn't appear so. She looks confused anytime anyone says anything. And she can't speak either. You heard her. When she wants to yell, she just makes noises."

"She's terrified," Gene said, figuring out why she had been so angry. "She's no idea what's going on, who we are, what we're saying, so she's dealing with it the only way she can."

He was in absolute shock. He had never expected Alex to come back. In the beginning, he had hoped, but as the weeks and months and years went by he had lost that hope. He had thought many times over the years that she would have been better off if she _had _died when Burrows got her. Her body had still been living, but the soul had been gone. And that was a fate, Gene believed, worse than death.

"She's going to have to go to rehab," Ruth said. "They'll keep her here to make sure she doesn't relapse, but she's going to have to relearn everything."

"She's been in her own head too long," Amy added. "No longer knows which way is up."

"But she's _back,"_ Gene stressed. That was the only important thing. He knew that her recovery would be long, but there was life behind her eyes for the first time in over four years.

"As long as you realise, Gene, that you may never have the old Alex back," Ruth said. "I don't know whether she even remembers anything or not. But if she doesn't, those memories may not come back. You may have this new Alex to contend with for the rest of your life."

Gene stopped. He hadn't thought of that. Maybe the old Alex _had_ died when he nearly did. Maybe it was a different person that came back to her body. But then he shook his head.

"She may be different, but she'll still be Alex. So far, her personality is completely right for the way she used to be. I'd be watching her, by the way. She'll probably try and escape out the window. If she doesn't want to do something, she'll weasel her way out."

Amy shook her head. "We fixed the windows years ago. You pull out a lever and the window will stop there."

"That'll work until she realises what's stopping it. She may not have a memory or be able to speak, but Alex Drake _is_ incredibly intelligent." Gene stopped there, remembering how she lacked any common sense. She'd probably find the lever and start trying to smash it off somehow, instead of pushing it in.

Amy considered his sentence for a moment before getting up to check Alex's room. A few moments and some screaming later, Alex came down the hall, a look of determination on her face. Gene knew what she was doing. She was looking for an exit, any exit, and the wide open window that she usually sat at was her next port-of-call.

"Jesus Christ," said Ruth. "She's going to be a handful now, isn't she?"

"Understatement of the century," Gene replied, remembering how much of a pain in the arse she was when she was fully coherent. She would be ten times worse now. He watched as Amy came running down the hall after Alex, torn between amusement and pity.

"Alex!" Amy called, but Alex ignored her. Gene was hit with a sudden realisation.

"She doesn't know who Alex is," he breathed. Ruth heard him and looked startled.

"What?"

"We were calling her by her name, but she wouldn't respond. The more we said it, the more frustrated she got. She has no idea who Alex is."

Ruth shook her head. "This is going to be fantastic, I can already feel it," she said sarcastically. "I'm going to phone the psychologist. He'll want to know what's going on."

There was more screaming as Amy caught Alex and started taking her back up the hallway to her room.

"First," Gene replied, feeling guilty for how they were treating her at the moment, "tell me what happened."

"She's been showing little signs all week," Ruth explained. "But Amy and I both ignored them, because they were so small, we could have imagined them. Then today she stands up in the chair and starts screaming. We took her to her room and she stopped. It was odd," Ruth said, thinking back to the moment that would be burned into her memory forever. "Her eyes. They went from lifeless to furious in a millisecond. But we still have no idea what brought her back."

Gene thought a moment before standing. "You call the psychowotsit. I'm going to go talk to her."

"But..."

He looked at her and she shut up. "Trust the Gene Genie." He walked down the corridor to her room and entered. Alex was fighting with a now-frazzled looking Amy. He grinned and then pulled Alex away, holding onto her tight. "Go," he said.

Amy was only too happy to comply and left the room. As soon as the door shut, he let Alex go and strode to the door in two steps, blocking it. She tried to get around him, but he wouldn't move, even when she started to kick and punch at him. Her body was much more frail than it used to be and so the violence didn't hurt. After a few minutes, she wore herself out and just looked at him.

Gene realised guiltily that her face was tear-streaked. They'd upset her badly then. Trying to ignore the guilt, he grabbed her wrist gently, tightening it a moment when she tried to pull away. He pulled her to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Alright," he said, ignoring the confused look on her face. "Let's get some things straight." He pointed at her. "Alex."

She frowned, looking frustrated. He put his hand to his chest. "Gene." He pointed back at her. "Alex."

Realisation was starting to dawn in her eyes. He was hoping she would understand. "Gene," he repeated, pointing back to himself. "Alex." He pointed at her again.

She tilted her head a moment and then pointed to herself. "Alex?" The word was thick and unsure, but she was still speaking.

Gene pointed at her again, knowing she wouldn't understand yes or no. "Alex," he responded, nodding and smiling.

She pointed at herself again. "Alex," she said softly before pointing at him. "Gene."

Gene smiled. She understood! "Very good, Alex," he said, feeling like he was speaking to a child.

There was a knock on the door and Ruth walked in. Alex looked from him to Ruth. "Alex?" she questioned.

Gene shook his head. "Ruth," he replied.

He saw her comprehend for a moment before she replied. "Alex," she said pointing to herself. She pointed at him. "Gene." She pointed at Ruth. "Ruth."

Gene grinned again and she smiled hesitantly back.

"What did you do?" Ruth asked.

"I think," Gene replied. "I've gotten her to figure out her name."

He stared at the woman next to him on the bed. Her hair was long and limp and the skin on her face stretched tightly across her bones. The hazel in her eyes was dull, but there was life behind it, and that life might have been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She may not have her memories, but Alex was back. And that was all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She stared furiously at the speech pathologist across from her. "No," she said.

"Alex, this exercise will only take three minutes."

"No." She looked up at the clock. It was time to go. Gene would be here any minute.

"One exercise and then you're done," the man pleaded.

"No." She thought a moment before her next sentence. "I'm done now." It still took her a while before words would come together in her head and even then, the sentences were broken and fragmented.

"Gene will wait for you," the man said, looking annoyed.

She huffed. "Fine."

It was a game where he would say a word and she'd have to respond quickly with the opposite. She hated the game. She was absolutely horrible at it and would only get a few words in the three minutes that they played.

"Right. Ready?"

She nodded.

"Always."

She thought. "Never."

"Coming."

A few moments later, she responded. "Going."

"From."

There was a longer pause this time. "To."

"Take."

A shorter pause. "Give."

"Me."

This one was easy. "You."

"Down."

Now was the shortest pause of all. "Up."

The timer buzzed. "Good job, Alex. We'll work on more tomorrow."

She merely nodded and stood, leaving the room. She couldn't wait to get out of his office. She hated the daily two-hour sessions with the speech pathologist. He liked to play games to help her to regain the ability to speak. She didn't like playing games. She would rather sit and have conversation with someone and ask them what they meant when she didn't understand them. But he thought that games would help her re-learn the basics.

She sighed in frustration as she went back to her room. It had been over five months since she had 'woken up,' as they put it, and she was surprising everyone with her progress. However, she was incredibly frustrated. She had had a life before the other world, and she could still not remember anything about it. They had told her not to worry about it, that it would come eventually, but as each day passed, she doubted it more and more. In fact, she was starting to wonder if she even was 'Alex.' She felt like Alex was a different woman, into whose life they were shoving her.

Still, she was doing well enough that they were thinking of releasing her in a few weeks and she could come in as an 'outpatient.' After two weeks in the psychiatric hospital she had been moved to a live-in rehab facility. She had been delighted to get out of the hospital and she was sure that the nurses felt the exact same way. She hadn't been the most pleasant towards them during her two weeks there. They had gotten the brunt of many temper tantrums and quite a few attempts to escape. By the end of the two weeks, all the windows on the floor had been bolted into a shut position. They had tried to calm her down with medication, but more often than not, she refused to take it, spitting it on the floor. After getting some side effects of the drugs, she had been convinced that the nurses were trying to poison her. She hadn't trusted any of them. She still didn't trust people. The only person she did was Gene, and even that could be broken. She only trusted him because of his eyes, the eyes of the lion. That was her only connection back to her world that she had.

She looked at the clock in the hallway. She still couldn't read it well, but she knew that she was several minutes late for Gene. Today was Thursday, which meant that she had an hour break between speech development and writing. The hour was technically for lunch, but Gene had taken to visiting during that time and bringing her food from outside.

As she walked into her room, she saw Gene sitting at the desk, flipping through her journal. She thought a moment before speaking.

"Journals are...private."

He turned, grinning. "Just looking at your handwriting. Seeing if it can beat mine yet."

She grinned. She had seen his handwriting and it was absolutely horrible.

"You're late today."

"Speech path...pathologist kept me late." She paused a moment before adding another word. "Tosser."

"I think you've been hanging out with me too much, Alex. You're picking up on my bad words."

"Bollocks," she said, and he laughed. "Lunch?"

"Yep! I brought us fish and chips today. Might be a mite cold by now."

She frowned. "You used might twice," she stated, not understanding what he meant.

"Right. Might as in maybe. M-i-g-h-t," he spelled. "The second was mite, m-i-t-e. That technically means 'small insect,' but we use it to specify a small amount."

She grabbed her journal and her pen. She wrote the two words down, planning on looking them up later.

"You better eat before it gets stone-cold and you have your writing lesson." She sighed and nodded, grabbing the fish and chips from Gene.

"Starving," she said.

"Figured you might be. They said you've started running in the mornings."

"Gives me something to do."

"You could read that stack of books over there," Gene said, pointing to a tower of children's books she had been given to read but never did.

"They're...bollocks," she said, unable to remember the appropriate word for what she wanted to call them.

"Might be, but they may help your grasp on the language."

She wrote down grasp in her journal as well. There was obviously a hidden meaning to it, as she couldn't hold onto spoken word. She had been told that there was a 'literal' form of English, where a person said exactly what they meant, and that there was a 'metaphorical' form where they would use symbols to say what they meant. She guessed 'grasp' could be metaphorical as well.

"Oh, by the way," Gene said hesitantly.

She looked up at him. "What?"

"You might have visitors tonight."

"Who?" It had better not be the nurses from the bloody psychiatric hospital.

"People you used to work with. They want to see your progress."

"I don't know." She was nervous. She hadn't met anyone outside the rehab centre since she had 'woken up.'

"I know you're nervous, Alex, but they used to be good friends of yours."

_Of hers,_ She thought. She wasn't the woman who had inhabited this body before. They were slowly adjusting her to the _other woman's_ life.

"I've brought pictures," he said. "That way you can at least know a bit about them."

"Okay," she said finally.

Gene gave a small smile. "Good lass," he said, reaching into his coat. He pulled out three pictures. He lay down the first one. It was of a man with dark brown hair, shaved at the sides, but the top sticking up, save for one little piece of hair hanging in his face. He had a long scar up his cheek.

"That's Chris. He's a bit of an idiot, but very good with computers. Suppose he would be. He's young enough."

She stared at it a moment. "Chris," she said, trying to commit the name to memory.

"Name's on the back of the photo," Gene said. He knew how hard she had to try with names.

She grinned at him. "Thanks," she said.

He handed her the second photo. It was a man with longer light brown hair, combed back and looking professional. "Ray circa 1986," Gene said.

"Circa?"

"From 1986. Sorry. Before this, he had this god-awful perm...little curls all over his head. He also had this moustache...I remember when he shaved it off we all had a good laugh."

Gene handed her the third photo. It was a woman this time, with a shaggy hair cut that ended around her chin. Her hair was a dark brunette, almost black.

"Sharon. She goes by Shaz. Good little copper. Almost as good as you were, and she's only a DS."

She just pretended she understood what he was on about. She occasionally got tired of questioning everything going on in her life and just relaxed, not understanding, but not really caring either.

"When will they be here?" she asked.

"After your dinner. You've got writing and then the psychologist right?"

She nodded.

"Expect us around seven. They won't stay too long, I promise. We'll get booted out quickly anyway. We'd probably considered as 'disturbing you.'

"Well I do have a stack of books to read."

Gene grinned. "Getting your lip back I see."

"I forgot. The speech pathologist is angry at you."

"Why?"

"For teaching me curse words."

"Bollocks," Gene said. "You've got to know how to swear."

"You tell him that."

There was a knock at her door and they both looked over. Her writing instructor was standing in the doorway.

"Well, there's my cue, Alex," Gene said, standing. "I'll see you tonight around seven."

She gave a small smile. "Bye, Gene."

Several hours later, she was at the end of her daily session with the psychologist. He had insisted on the frequent meetings, wanting to monitor her for any change in condition. So far, he said, so good.

"Gene told me you're going to meet some of your old friends tonight."

She nodded. "Apparently."

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated. She hadn't told anyone how she was really feeling about this 'waking up' business. Well, she supposed, better a psychologist than someone who would just scoff at her.

"Since I've been...back, people want to..." she paused to think of the word, "make me live like I apparently used to."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I have no memory of that life. It feels like you're forcing me into...into someone else's."

The man was quiet for a moment, thinking. "You don't want to assimilate to your former life because it doesn't feel real to you?"

She grabbed her dictionary. He would often use big words, but he made her look them up if she didn't understand. He said it was better that way, that she would remember the words better. After a few minutes of sounding the words out and reading the definitions, she looked up and nodded.

"Exactly."

He smiled at her. "That's normal. I understand that it's uncomfortable for you, but what we're trying to do is spark some memories."

"But if that Alex comes back, won't I disappear?"

He frowned a moment thoughtfully. "You know, for only coming back a few months ago, you're very good at abstract thinking."

"What does that mean?"

He smiled at her. "I should tell you to look it up, but the dictionary can't really explain it. Abstract thinking is metaphorical thinking. You're looking at things from a deeper level than just the surface meaning."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Let me put it this way. If a child said something like that, he would mean that he would disappear completely. His body would vanish, as well as the person he was. He'd be thinking in terms of invisibility, instead of how you're thinking, which is like leaving."

She nodded. "I think I understand."

The man smiled. "Good. Now, it's nearly the end of our session today, so I think we should discuss your discharge a bit."

She looked at him cautiously.

"I know you're not ready to get out of here and immerse yourself in the world again this moment. But we're going to have to let you out so you can get used to it."

"So what are we going to do?"

"I've been talking to Gene, and after I leave each night, he's going to come here and take you out."

"Where?"

"I'm not sure, really. To your old haunts I suppose. Anything that might bring back memories."

"So how long will I do this before I get...?" She tried to think of the word he had used before. "Discharged?" she said finally.

"Depends on how you adjust. I'd say roughly about six weeks before we'll consider anything seriously. You'll still come in for outpatient rehab of course."

She nodded. They had discussed this before.

"Good!" the psychologist said before looking at the clock. "Well, then, it's almost six. I daresay you'll want to eat before your friends visit tonight. I'll see you tomorrow, Alex!"

With that he walked out of the room, leaving her alone to her thoughts.

**And with this chapter, you've all been Rickrolled. (read through it, you should find it easily) ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Gene left the rehab clinic, very close to smiling. Three months ago, he would have never pictured being able to have a relatively normal conversation with Alex again. Even the day that he had taught her her name, the idea that she'd be able to talk one day seemed a bit ridiculous. But now, the psychologist wanted him to take her places, to reintroduce her to the world.

He got into the Quattro and floored it back to the station. The super had been good enough about letting Gene go for lunch to the clinic, but he didn't like it if Gene was too late getting back. Because Alex had been running late today, so was Gene now. He got into CID ten minutes after his scheduled time, but no one even looked up. They were used to this by now.

Gene walked to his desk, settling in his chair. There was really nothing to do lately. The scum of the streets had been quiet, so it was only paperwork, and even that was mostly filled out. Gene sighed, pulling out a letter that he knew he would keep for the rest of his life. It was one of the first things Alex had written after she had started her lessons. The handwriting was large and unsure, and many words were misspelt, but it was legible and he had read it several times over.

_Gene,_

_I am not shur wat I am doing, but John told me to rite this so I am. Aparently you call it a 'leter.' John told me to rite abowt wat I am doing heer. I do not understand the poynt of teling you because you com every day anyway. But I thot of sum thing else I cood do. _

_Thank you for that ferst day in the hospital. I had no idea hoo you wer or hoo the nurses wer. They scard me. They kept toking abowt an 'Alex' and I did not no what an Alex was. You sat me down and told me hoo I was. You gave me a identity. You mad the world seem les scaree. Thank you._

_John is going to look at my leter and corect my speling, but he wants me to send both copys of it to you. So thanks._

_Sinseerly,_

_Alex_

He grinned as he read it. Her spelling had gotten a lot better since that first letter. The letters that came now did not seem as much like a child had tried to write them. Her hand was growing more steady and her letters neater. The grammar she used was much better as well, and the words used bigger. He pulled out one he had received just yesterday. He had received it right before he left and had forgotten to take it home with him. He had been in a meeting that morning and so had not read it.

Gene opened the sealed envelope. Again, there were two copies, and again, he pulled out the one with the errors on it. He liked to see it, as proof that she was getting better.

_Gene,_

_I have decided that I am not going to tell you when I send my letters. That way you can be more surprised. John still suggests that I tell you what is going on here, but I know that you talk to everyone about my progres every day. So I don't want to bore you with what you alredy know. I was thinking about something I could tell you about but there's nothing really going on that I know. So I think I'm going to write you a story. John says that writing a story might be a good alternitive because it gets my 'creativ juices flowing.' His words, not mine. Anyway. I don't know where I came up with this, but you've told me a little about your job so maybe it was that. And you are bothering me to read those story's so it might be that as well. Right. Here goes. _

_Once upon a time there was a king who ruled over a land named Fenchurch. He was a special king. Instead of sitting on his arse all day, he went out and solved crimes that happened in the kingdom. There were tonns of prinses, but there was only one prinsess. Her name was Jane, and she was extremely pretty. _

_Jane was very determined. Once she got an idea in her head, she stuck with it until the end. Well one day, she heard that someone was plotting to hurt a family that was in the nobility. They were so rich, that they even had a money word as their surname. Jane decided that she was going to prevent the attacks on the family. She told the king about it but he didn't believe her. He was worried because a ruler from a different country was coming in, and the king wanted the place to be nice. Jane knew she had to save the family. She got the help of one of the prinses and they stoped the person they thought was behind it. _

_She selebrated as they returned to the palase, but decided that stoping that person wasn't enough. They had to take the family into the cassle until the threat was gone. The prinsess put the nobles in the dungon and selebrated again._

_That night she and the king had dinner. They were from different country's, and the king was interested in dating her. However, the dinner didn't go as well as planned and they both went to they're bedchambers alone. _

_The next morning she woke up to find out that the nobility were out of the dungon. She chased after them but it was too late. The mean people had hurt them. _

_However, there was some hope. The child of the nobility had not been hurt so she could rule the land of her parents. And so she did for many years. _

_The end._

_So I hope you like it. I'm not good at making up story's, but this one came to me. So, I'll see you the next time you visit then I guess._

_Alex_

Gene reread the letter three times. The story she had included was one he recited to her several times in the year that he had visited every day. In fact, it was one he had told her when she thought she was five.

_She's coming back,_ he thought.

Gene picked up the phone and dialled the number for the psychologist. "Pick up," he muttered to himself as he listened to the other side ring. Three rings later, someone picked up.

"_Stevens,"_ the voice said on the other line.

"Doctor Stevens," Gene said. "Gene Hunt."

"_Gene! What can I do for you?"_

"Alex has been writing me letters and I got one this morning," he started.

"_Ah, yes, all part of the curriculum really. Is there a problem?"_

"No. Well...no. It's actually a good thing I think."

"_Really? Something beyond her normal progress?"_

"I think she's remembering."

"_How so?"_

"The story she wrote," he said, knowing that the psychologist read the letters as well.

"_Yes."_

"It was one I told her several times when she was catatonic."

"_Really?"_

Gene nodded before realising that the psychologist couldn't hear his head move. "Yeah."

"_That's interesting. Listen, can you come over and speak to me after her session today? I'd like to talk to you about it before I bring it up with her."_

"Yeah. No problem. About six then?"

"_I'll see you then."_

With that, the psychologist hung up the phone, leaving a very excited Gene on the line.

Several hours later, Gene stood outside the psychologist's office, waiting. He had left work a bit early, reminding Ray, Chris and Shaz where they were going. The three looked nervous, but excited at the same time. Chris had rubbed his scar all afternoon, like it was hurting him. Gene supposed it was something to do with the fact that the last time he had been near a talking Alex she had slashed him with a knife.

Gene knew that Chris was certain Alex wouldn't do anything to him today, but he supposed it was a subconscious thing. He smirked. Listen to him. There was a time not too long ago that he would have no idea of what a subconscious was. Maybe when Alex's memories came back, she'd be impressed.

He went over to the clinic for the second time that day and walked in, straight past the place where visitors were supposed to log in. They knew who he was, and they knew that he blatantly ignored a sign in book. He looked at the secretary, daring her to say anything to him, but nothing came out of her mouth.

Gene walked down the hall to the psychologist's office, going the back way to avoid the canteen. He didn't want her to know that he was here at the moment, didn't want to answer the questions she would no doubt pose if she saw him talking to her psychologist.

He made it to the office without seeing her and let himself in. The doctor was on the phone. He grinned at Gene and motioned for him to sit down. Gene did, studying the doctor. He liked the man. Doctor Stevens seemed very much like himself. He was to the point and got things done quickly. Gene rarely had to wait when they had a meeting.

"Yes. Mmhmm. Yes. Yes. Okay. I understand. I know. Yes. Okay. Yes. I love you too, darling. Goodbye."

The doctor hung up the phone and smiled apologetically. "Sorry. That was the wife. She likes me home right after my last case for dinner, but sometimes things just come up. I was getting an earful."

"I understand completely. Alex used to be like that."

"Yes, Alex. You said she's getting her memory back?"

"I think she's remembering, but not realising."

The man frowned and leaned forward. "Explain."

"You saw her last letter, the story she wrote."

"Yes, I remember. A wonderful example of creativity."

"And you know of her trauma before she went to the psychiatric hospital. Where she thought she was five for a while?"

The psychologist nodded. "All in her file."

"The station psychologist told me to try and tell stories of her past. But I knew I couldn't tell them as was, so I created the magical land of Fenchurch."

Doctor Stevens nodded. "I see. Go on."

"I'd put her to bed at night and tell her stories about our cases until she fell asleep. This was one of them. The princess was Alex, but that's the only real difference. When she went catatonic, I would tell her these on occasion."

"So she's thinking that she made it up, but in actuality..."

"She heard it over four years ago."

The psychologist grinned. "This may be a very good sign, Gene. It means that the old Alex is in there somewhere. I think you taking her out at night is coming just at the right time."

"But..." Gene started but fell silent.

"But what?"

"What if remembering sends her back?"

The psychologist considered the question. "I don't know if it will. I doubt it. I believe she came back because she's ready to deal with everything. Obviously, don't spring it on her. She's not asked about the marks on her chest at all. For all I know, at the moment she may think they are normal. Deal with everything one step at a time. And if you notice anymore of memory return, please inform me."

"Thanks," Gene said. "I'll make sure to do that."

"Now, Gene, I think you better get out of here. I know you said that Alex's old friends were coming by to visit at seven, and you know as well as I that Alex is not the best at meeting new people. And since it's just gone seven, I'm sure you'll be wanting to get to her room to mediate and get her to talk."

Gene looked down at his watch. "You're right." With that, he stood and walked out the door to Alex's room. Shaz, Ray and Chris had permission to be in the clinic until eight-thirty. Gene knew that whatever happened next, it was going to be interesting. He just prayed that it was a good interesting.


	5. Chapter 5

**So I realized on Friday or whenever it was that I posted The Still and the Quiet, that I hadn't updated this in forever. And for that, I have no excuse but to say that I totally forgot I was posting this!**

**Chapter 5**

She stared at the clock as the minute hand ticked ever closer to the twelve, which she knew meant the start of a new hour. She hated meeting new people. According to Gene, they were her friends before, but she had no memory of them, therefore, to her they were new.

She looked at the pictures over and over again, memorising everything about the faces and then looking back to see the names. She figured that the trio would introduce themselves, but it was best that she had an advantage on the name front. She was horrible at remembering them. It took her three days to remember that the writing tutor she met with for two hours every day was named John. However, the last time she had been introduced to someone new, she hadn't had the understood the English language as she did now. Maybe it would be better now.

The long hand hit the twelve. Inwardly, she started to panic. Gene said he was going to be here early. Where was he? They were going to be here any moment and she would be alone with three strangers. She bit her lip, staring anxiously at the door to her room. There were sounds outside, but no knock yet.

The long hand clicked past the twelve. She fidgeted nervously. Where was Gene? He was supposed to be here ages ago. Was he just going to leave her alone to meet these people?

The hand clicked forward again. Two minutes past seven. She stared at the clock. Well, at least she was learning to read it better. She watched the second hand tick around the clock, counting each time it made the little noise.

_58. 59. 60._ The hand moved forward a third time. She hated this. She hated the waiting game. She hated to sit around, being idle. That was why she had started running in the mornings. It was that or stare at a wall. Or read those books... She really should read those. They weren't difficult.

The clock ticked forward a fourth time and there was a tapping sound at her door. She waited a moment, taking a deep breath. The rapping came again. She swallowed nervously. "Come in," she said, sitting cross-legged on her bed. The staff had put some extra chairs in her room earlier so that her guests could sit. She hadn't wanted to go to the lounge so that the other patients could watch her make a fool of herself.

The door opened and three people came in cautiously. Seeing their faces made her relax slightly. They were just as nervous as she. The three were exactly as the pictures had shown them, although the woman's hair just a little longer than had been shown.

_Shaz,_ She thought. She smiled to herself. Good. She was remembering their names. The three stood in awkward silence for a moment until she spoke. "Hi," she said softly. "Sit down if you want."

The eyes of the trio widened for a moment before they all sat down.

_The last time they saw me I was in my World. I wouldn't talk. This is shocking,_ she thought to herself. She needed to keep reassuring herself, otherwise she'd never make it through this.

They all sat in silence for several moments. She gave an awkward laugh, unsure of how to diffuse the tension. "This is...difficult, isn't it?" she asked.

Shaz gave a quick grin. "To be perfectly honest, we're just not sure what to say."

"Me either. I figure you know that I have absolutely no clue who any of you are."

"The Guv told us that," Shaz said as the two men looked anywhere but at her.

"The Guv?"

"Me," Gene's voice said from the doorway. The tension in the room almost disappeared at his appearance. "I'm their boss and that's what they call me."

She smiled, but was secretly annoyed. Where had he been? He had left her in this state of awkwardness for several minutes and it shouldn't have existed at all.

"Why do they call you that?"

"Short for Governor," the man with light brown hair said suddenly. _Ray,_ She thought.

"In the old days the called the head of the department the Governor," he continued. "Guv's a shortened version of that."

She grabbed her notebook from under her pillow and wrote down the word. It was something she was going to look up later.

"What are you doing?" Shaz asked politely.

"Oh!" She said, unaware that people may find her grabbing the notebook odd. It had become second nature to her and the people she worked with everyday were used to it. "I write things down in here to remember them later and study them a bit more. My memory isn't that fantastic, but it's getting better."

"Can you remember...?" the man with the scar started, but Shaz put her hand on his leg. She was wearing a ring, she noticed. Shaz was married.

She shook her head in response to the man's question. "I can only remember things from after I woke up."

The man stroked his scar a moment before his hand fell. _Chris,_ she finally placed. She wondered how he had gotten the scar. It looked like it had been deep at one point. However, she refrained from asking. She knew asking about people's features was rude. She had been taught that by Gene when she asked why a certain patient was missing a few of his fingers.

"So, you all work with Gene," she said, trying to break the silence. No one knew what to say. "How long have you been working at...?"

"Fenchurch," Gene supplied.

Ray smiled and leaned forward in his chair a bit. He was wearing a grey suit and blue tie and a white shirt underneath. He was not wearing a ring, she noticed.

"Chris and I moved down with the Guv in 1980. So seven years now."

"How long were you working with Gene before that?"

Ray leaned back in his chair thoughtfully. "Jesus," he said. He looked over his shoulder to the man next to Shaz. "Chris what year did you join CID?"

"God. 19...71 I believe. Yeah. Because it was two years before Tyler came on board."

"And I was six years ahead so...1965. But the Guv wasn't a DCI then."

"DCI?"

"Detective Chief Inspector," Gene said. "It's already in your book."

"He was still a DI," Ray continued, lost in thought. Only became a DCI in '69. But then we moved down to London in 1980, and Shaz, you were already in the office, weren't you?"

"Yeah," she said. "I became CID's secretary about four months before you guys came."

"And you were already running the place," Gene said. "I swear to God, that new typist is an absolute failure."

"You've been saying that for three years. You've done nothing about it though."

"Is that lip, Granger?"

"My name's not Granger, Guv."

"Still is in CID."

"But we're not in CID, are we?"

"Is your husband sitting next to you?"

"Well, yes."

"Is his last name not Skelton?"

"Yes." Shaz sighed, and she realised that Shaz and Gene must go through this quite often.

"Unless Christopher is nowhere near you, you'll be Granger so that your twonk of a husband won't think I'm asking him to go into the ladies to find something."

"I only did that once Guv!"

The pace of the conversation started to increase as the four started arguing. Soon, it was going too fast for her to figure out what was going on, so she stopped trying to follow and started to look at the three new people in her room.

She kept looking back to Chris. For some reason, when she looked at him, she felt guilty, but she didn't understand why. There was a flash of an emotion, despair mixed with anger. The same feeling she had had when she was in the beginning of her world. She frowned. Was the cause of his scar one of the reasons she had ended up in her world? There was a vision of him, holding his cheek, his face spattered in blood before it disappeared.

What was going on? Was she imagining this? Or was she _remembering?_ Oh God. She might be remembering what had sent her to the world in the first place. She pushed the memory firmly away. She couldn't remember any of that. She couldn't remember the woman whose body she was inhabiting. If that woman came back, she wouldn't exist, and she didn't want to lose her existence to a woman who had hated life so much that she created her.

"Alex?" Gene's voice asked her, snapping her back to the present. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" She noticed that he was looking worried. He always did when she started to stare for a long time, afraid that she was going back into 'the catatonia.' "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking, sorry. Your..." she paused to think of the word. "Conversation was too quick. I stopped listening."

"Oh, we're sorry," Shaz said. "We'll try to go slower for you next time."

She shook her head. "It's fine. It...happens quite often really. I'll be able to understand eventually."

"That's the spirit," Gene said, slightly distracted.

Ray and Chris renewed the conversation, starting to tell her about the days Alex was a copper. They made sure to talk slower, so that she could join in and waited for her to make a reply or phrase a question. Gene however, didn't join in. She noticed that he was staring at her thoughtfully, as though trying to make some lost connection. For a while, it bugged her, but she ended up ignoring him, as Ray and Chris' stories were getting more interesting.

"You were intent on getting us to listen to this prozzie," Ray said. "Convinced that we were not listening to her because of her 'job.'"

"You were right of course," Shaz interjected, looking and smiling at her.

"Anyway," Ray continued, giving Shaz a dirty look. "You told us you were a prostitute, confused us, and then said you were making it up. The Guv insulted you and you slapped him. But that wasn't good enough. You decided you had to punch him."

"Sent him flying back. I don't think he expected it," Chris said.

"Of course he didn't expect it, you div. We knew she was mental, but not like that." Ray turned to her with an almost comical expression of shock. "Er...sorry."

She waved it away. "Don't worry about it. Well, at least not unless my memory returns," she joked.

"Guv told me he couldn't feel his gob for days afterwards," Ray said, grinning at Gene.

Gene snapped back to attention at the mention of his name. "And if you keep on, Raymondo, you won't be able to feel yours for a good three weeks." There was no joking tone in his voice, but Ray just grinned.

"You make it sound as though I hated him," she said, wondering how the woman before her felt about this man.

"In the beginning we think you did," Shaz said.

"But you came to your senses," Gene finished. "They all do in the end. 'Cept Granger of course. She goes and marries a twat like Skelton."

"Blondes just don't do it for me, Guv," she replied, putting her fingers through Chris'.

"He had blonde highlights. Him and Raymondo always had the worst hair in the office," Gene explained.

"Oi!"

"One word, Ray. _Perm._"

Ray settled back into his seat, silenced. Evidently his perm _had_ been horrible. She almost wished she had Alex's memories to see it. She shook her head. She could probably get Gene to bring her a photo. She didn't want Alex's memories.

The three stood up to leave, as did Gene. "I'll be back tomorrow round 6.15," Gene said. "I'm not coming at lunch anymore since you're going out."

She nodded and smiled a goodbye at Chris, Ray and Shaz. They left and she breathed a sigh of relief. She felt like they expected her to be that other Alex, the one she was not. She knew that the other Alex had gone through a horrible ordeal at some point. Why else would her world have been created? Why else would _she_ have been created? If something hadn't happened, the other Alex would be out living, joking with her friends. She wouldn't be here.

She grabbed her journal, one that was secret. No one knew that she actually kept two journals. One was the one that the psychologist would look through, where he would read her entries. She had realised long ago that there were things that she didn't want him to know. She had snuck into a supply room one night a few days after being here. If she had gotten caught, she could pretend that she didn't understand the sign. However no one had caught her, and she made out with a second notebook.

She opened it up and turned to a new page.

_Everyone wants me to be Alex. But I don't want to be her. I don't even want to be here. I want to be back with the lion, in my perfect world. I wish I could return there this instant. But it is ruined. I know that. I do not know how it fell apart, only that it is gone. I wonder every day how to get back, how to make it perfect again...something happened to Alex that created me. I wonder...Maybe if I let her take over again, she'll remember what created me in the first place. And she'll be 'traumatised' again, recreating me, and sending me back to the world. Maybe I shouldn't push away the memories. Because if I do, don't I give up __any __chance of getting back?_

She left the entry unsigned.


	6. Chapter 6

**I actually remembered to update this week! (I blame it on the fact that I'm writing a New Year's fic.) Unfortunately, the only chapter in this story that hasn't been written is 7 (possibly 8, depending on how well my muse likes me) and that's the next chapter. I'll post it when I get it written, but it shouldn't be too long, I know what has to happen, I just can't be bothered to write it out!**

**Chapter 6**

She stared at her placemat, playing idly with her fork. The glass of wine in front of her was untouched and her hand rested on her chin.

"You okay, Alex?" Gene asked as he returned to the table.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I suppose."

"Too much?"

"It's just...loud." She was speaking the truth. Ever since they had left the clinic, the city had been an assault on her ears. She was too used to the relative quiet of the clinic. Car horns, the rush of traffic, people talking, it was all too much. Even now, with soft conversation on top of the music the restaurant was playing, it seemed too loud.

"You'll get used to it," Gene said reassuringly. "Do you know what you want?" He had taken her to a nice restaurant for dinner, or tea as Gene called it. She was having trouble deciding, as she had never had this many options. At the clinic it was whatever the people learning to cook had managed to make for dinner. Since they were supervised, it was always edible and never _too_ burnt, but she had tasted some interesting things in the past several months.

"I suppose I'll have the chicken."

"Still not meat," Gene muttered to himself, but she heard it. "Least it's not rabbit bloody food."

She smiled, trying to hide her true discomfort at the situation. She didn't like being out in the open. She had heard enough about the outside world to make her not want to ever go there. From what she had heard from other patients doing the same thing she was, people would be impatient with her. They wouldn't like that she had to think about everything she said. They wouldn't understand or want to know what she had gone through.

Although, she still didn't know what she had gone through either. Little memories had leaked their way through, but why she had been created from Alex was still a mystery for her. She supposed Gene knew, but she didn't want to ask.

"So what did you do today?" Gene asked.

She looked out the window, wishing that she didn't have to deal with this. "The same thing I do every day," she replied. Her tone wasn't rude, but it wasn't polite either. She was in a bad mood anyway, and going out into the loudness had just made it worse.

"Have you gotten anywhere on your books?"

"I read until lights out now." One lie wouldn't hurt. He kept bugging her about those bloody books. She didn't want to read. She didn't want to do the rehab. The only thing she had wanted since coming to this world, besides going back to her own, was to be able to understand what they were saying. She had that now, so she was left with the one desire. She closed her eyes and thought of the lion, the lion with the same eyes as Gene Hunt.

A few hours later, she returned to the facility with a frustrated looking Gene. She had gotten progressively snappier as the evening went on, and she could sense that he was avoiding chastising her behaviour.

She went straight to her room without thanking him or saying goodbye. She turned out the lights, going to bed in her clothes and staring at the wall her bed sat against. Her eyes started to burn and soon, tears were trickling down her face.

Why had she been brought here? Suddenly a thought hit her. Maybe she had come back because _Alex_ wanted to come back.

"You're fighting me, aren't you?" she whispered aloud. "You don't like me, you don't want me here. _You_ want to come back."

Something in her affirmed the thought. "You can come back," she said louder. "I don't like it here. I don't want to be here. Send me back to my world, and you can take over your old body. I don't care."

She knew it wasn't that simple though. She knew how to get Alex back, something that she had been avoiding from day one. She had to find out what had happened.

She snuck out of her room, for now it was long past lights out. She knew that the files were kept in the psychologist's office. She made her way quietly down the corridor to where the man's office was. Luckily, she got there with no problem. However, when she tried to turn the handle, it wouldn't budge. _Does everything in this bloody place have to be locked? _she wondered.

She pulled a pin out of her hair and let the woman hidden inside take over. Within a few moments, the lock was picked. She let herself in and then shut the door silently behind her. She looked around the room, taking in all the file cabinets and a large shelf of videotapes behind the desk. They were labelled with names in alphabetical order, surname first. She quickly found her tape among the D's. She grabbed the tape, looking around the office and seeing a television and VCR in the corner. She stared at it for a moment, trying to remember what one of the other patients had taught her only last week. After about five minutes, she got the tape in the VCR and it started to play.

The opening scene was of her in her room at the mental hospital. She was staring past the video camera, as if she was unaware that it was even in the room. The woman on the camera didn't move at all.

The woman onscreen emanated an unnatural hollowness, something that disturbed her as she watched the tape.

"_Can you tell me your name?"_

She recognised the voice as the psychologist's, but the woman on the screen acted like she hadn't heard anything.

"_Can you tell me where you are?"_

Again, the woman acted as though couldn't hear the psychologist.

The video continued the same way. She watched it for five minutes, but the woman on screen didn't move an inch. Finally, with a sigh, the psychologist stood and walked to the door. A few moments later he walked in with Gene.

Gene looked slightly younger than he was now, but his face was still worn and haggard. He strode over to the woman on screen, looking worried and anxious, but determined.

"_Alex," _he said.

The woman didn't move.

"_Alex. It's me. It's Gene."_

The woman stared through him.

"_Alex, I'm okay. I survived. I'm fine, see?"_

Gene's voice was pleading, but the woman still did nothing.

"_Alex, please."_

She turned off the video. She knew that Gene pleaded with no one. To see him plead with the woman on the video hurt her deeply. She didn't know Gene terribly well, but he was the person she was the closest to in this world.

She relaxed in the psychologist's chair for a moment, eyes closed, breathing deeply. She had to check the files next. She opened her eyes, and saw a file lying on the desk. Her name was printed on the tab, and a note was stuck to the front.

_Starting excursion therapy. Reassess 6/11. _

She opened up the file, looking at the first page, before realising it was just notes from their meeting that day. It hadn't been clipped in yet. She put it aside, looking at the next page. It was a photo of her. She looked a few pounds heavier and her hair was much shorter. Her expression was blank, seemingly unaware that the photo was even being taken. Just like the video, an empty hollowness seemed to emanate from the picture. Under the photo was information.

_Name: Alexandra Drake  
>Admission Date: 233/83  
>Admission Diagnosis: Catatonia<em>

Under that, were the psychologist's notes.

_Suddenly recovered from catatonia 9/4/87.  
>Moved to rehab facility 274/87. _

She flipped to the next page which had an entire history written on it. She read through it, her mouth dropping open in horror at what had happened to the woman who had existed in this body before. It was no wonder she had been created to deal with the emotional trauma. She could now understand why that Alex had disappeared and why memories that came back were fleeting.

_I hid, _a voice said quietly in her head. _I thought Gene was dead, and I hid._

"That's why he's impossible," She breathed. Things slowly started to connect. She had run from Gene in her utopia because if she saw him, she was truly crazy, because he was supposed to be dead. The lion _was_ Gene, only in a different form, used to keep her company even when Gene had stopped visiting her in the psychiatric hospital.

She shut the file, unwilling to look at any more notes. The memories were coming back too fast for her liking. She turned off the light and opened the door quietly, looking out into the empty corridor. She took a breath and headed out silently, padding slowly along the hallway, looking out for any nurses. The corridors stayed empty until she turned the corner to get to her room.

"Alex, what are you doing there?"

She sighed and closed her eyes, disappointed that her venture had been noticed. The nurse standing across from her was male, a rarity in the building. She remembered his name as Andrew. He had dark brown hair and grey eyes and was a few years younger than Shaz.

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk," she said. Well, it was half true. He didn't need to know the whole sneaking into the psychologist's office part.

"You know you can't go out of your room after lights out," Andrew said kindly.

"I know, but I hate being cooped up in there."

"Do you want tea or anything to relax you?"

She shook her head. "I think that the walk just about did it."

"Alright. Don't let me catch you again."

She nodded, trying not to look guilty and probably failing miserably. Andrew didn't seem to notice anything, however and continued on with his rounds. She slipped into her room and flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. When she had looked through the file, Alex had forced her to stop. Alex had taken over the body for just a moment, that split second, just to close the file. For that moment, her world had flashed in front of her, and she could see the lion waiting for her. She needed to completely remove Alex, to disappear within this body, back to the world that she had left. And she believed that she knew how to bring Alex flying back. It was going to take careful planning, complete manipulation and some good acting skills on her part. But she could do it. If she could put up with this world for a few months more, she could set her plan into action and go back to her perfect world forever.

~(*)~

Gene stared at his almost-empty pint of beer, thinking. Luigi's was quiet; most of CID had already gone home. The trattoria just hadn't been the same place lately. After Chris had gotten married, Ray had suddenly grown up and started to see a bird seriously. The day after their first date was the first Gene could remember without Ray coming in with a smug look and describing what her indoors looked like. Ever since then, they had been seeing each other almost every single night. They had moved in together and Ray had proposed just a few months ago.

Gene shook his head. He had always said that it would be a cold day in hell when Ray found a woman he'd spend the rest of his life with. Of course, he remembered saying several times in the seventies that there would never be a female prime minister as long as there was a hole in his arse. And when Thatcher had been elected, he had checked, but his backside had not changed. So it had been proven that the Gene Genie _could _be wrong on occasion.

A full beer arrived in front of him. Gene was surprised. He had not ordered one from Luigi. But when he looked up, the Italian was staring at him of question on his face.

"Cheers Luigi. Do you need something?"

"I was wondering how Signorina Drake was doing."

Gene sighed and shrugged. "About the same, Luigi. She's got no memories of her life here before. She doesn't like to meet new people and the only connection she's got with me is a nervous kind of trust. She just acts like she doesn't want to be here. I took her out this evening and she just got angry."

Gene pinched his nose. He _really _needed to find someone to talk to besides Luigi. A few years ago he had only talked to Luigi to insult him good naturedly or to order beer. Now here he was, pouring out his heart and soul...Well in his opinion anyway.

"She just needs to get used to London again, Signore. London takes a while to get used to."

"I suppose," he replied, downing the first beer and taking a sip of the one Luigi had brought. Luigi smiled and walked off. Gene went back to staring at his beer, getting back his previous train of thought.

He had been so excited when the nurses had called him in April. When they said that Alex was back, he had thought that they meant _Alex. _The woman who had come back was not Alex. She was another woman. After they had realised that she no longer had her memories, he had expected that. But he had hoped that somewhere along the line, the memories would remerge. But they hadn't, and he was still going to visit this stranger every day. She treated him with a cautious trust, always seeming wary near him.

However, he kept reminding himself, that cautious nervousness was better than the deadened eyes he had faced for over four years.

Gene took another sip of beer. Tomorrow was a new day, another excursion. Maybe she would react better. Today after all, was her first day.

He stared at the corner table where he had first seen her, and sighed. Would he ever have that Alex again?


	7. Chapter 7

**So I've been terrible about updating again, but hey! I had to write this chap. Otherwise, this whole sequel is completely done, so I should be able to post more frequently, and I should be able to remember more easily, as I'm writing something else atm. :D**

**Chapter 7**

She took one last look around her room. It was so empty now. All of her clothes had been removed, all pictures and decorations gone. It was finally time for her to leave the clinic. Her plan was going perfectly. After her first excursion, she had suddenly started to excel in everything. The books by her bed disappeared one by one, being replaced with chapter books. Her handwriting had improved monumentally and her grasp of language was much better as well. She had been shocking people at the beginning, but now her progress was going so quickly, she was flabbergasting her tutors and the psychologist. The only apparent downside to them was that her memories had still not been recovered. She found this frustrating as well, but she knew that she didn't want them to come back slowly. She needed a shock to bring Alex back.

Alex had been appearing a little more now, but still stayed hidden. She still could not take over, instead interjecting little thoughts. But it was that night in the psychologist's office where Alex had given her the idea.

"You ready?" Gene asked, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Yeah," she said. She was going to live with Gene, as everyone seemed to find this safer than her living on her own.

"You're still completely naive about the real world," her psychologist had said. "Learn how people function, get a job, and then maybe we'll look into you living by yourself. The only reason you get to leave now is because you have the support that you do."

They walked out of the clinic. She was only carrying an overnight bag of her clothes that she had worn the night before, as everything had been slowly moved out of her room for the past week. Gene opened the car door for her, something Alex stirred at.

_He doesn't do that._

She grinned. "I'm turning you into a gentleman," she said. "You never open doors."

"Full of surprises," he said, unsmiling, but in a kind tone. She had realised long ago that Gene never expressed any emotion except anger, unless absolutely necessary. However, his gruff manner was something that she had liked about him. He was like that with everyone, and she knew that he wasn't being false with her like some of the people she had experienced.

She sat down in the car and he slammed the door shut, walking around the bonnet to his side. He climbed in, sticking the key in the ignition. He turned it, starting the car and pulling away from the kerb. She stared out the window, looking at the London scenery. It was odd to see it knowing that she was free. She never had to return to the rehab centre. It was a strange feeling but she liked it. It was like she was seeing the world for the first time through clear eyes.

She thought carefully about her next move. She knew she would have to wait for a few weeks. She had to show that she was getting acclimated to the real world.

Gene looked over at her nervously. She knew that he was afraid that she would return back to her catatonic state. She smiled at him, trying to look reassuring. He knew nothing about her plans to return to her world. She had told no one except for the secret notebook she had kept. To everyone, including Gene, it appeared like she was returning valiantly to the world, slowly recovering her memories and relearning how to live her life.

She turned her head toward the window and smiled secretly to herself. Soon she would be out of this world. Of that she was sure.

~(*)~

Two weeks later, she woke to an empty bed. She always woke to an empty bed, because even though she and Gene had been together before she had been catatonic, she was not yet comfortable to sleep in the same bed with him now. To her, he was still like a new acquaintance, or even a long lost brother. She couldn't really see him as a potential lover, no matter how nice he was to her. She really couldn't see what Alex had seen him. To her, Gene was not attractive in the slightest. Sure his eyes were like the lion's, but that was the only similarity he had, and, in her eyes, that was the only attractive feature on him. She had retrieved enough from Alex's memories to know that he could be a brute at times. That scared her. What would she do that would turn him against her? When would he go into a screaming rage at her? She could not remember enough to know if he was violent. So far though, he had been nice, making sure that she was always taken care of.

Gene appeared in the doorway. "I'm going to work," he said levelly. Usually, she'd nod and tell him that she was going to go to the shop at some point or some other useless fact, but today she wanted to say something different.

"Can I drop by later?"

She could see the surprise on his face. "Alex, are you sure?"

"Yes. It may help me gain back some memories, Gene. I just want to trigger _something._"

Gene hesitated a moment before nodding his head. "I'll pick you up around noon."

"Okay." He left, and she lay back in the bed, grinning. So far, everything was going to plan. Today, she was returning to her perfect world.

~(*)~

Gene stared at the clock, unable to do any paperwork today. Alex had been acting strangely since she had left the clinic. She seemed to have a kind of energy that buzzed around her all the time, like she was planning something. Today, when she had asked to drop by, there had been a look in her eye, a look he remembered Alex having before she completely disobeyed orders. He almost didn't want to bring her to the office. Gene knew, though, if he didn't come get her, she'd just go anyway, and probably get completely lost on the way up to CID. No, it was best for him to take her there himself, and to keep an eye on her.

Ray knocked on the door and entered his office. "You okay Guv?"

"Since when did you become my mother Raymundo?"

Ray looked taken aback.

"What did you want?"

"Just to make sure that you're coming over for Christmas this year?"

"Your bird wants to know already? Christ. It's not even mid-November yet!"

"Yeah, she likes to plan things."

"I can tell. Let me talk to Alex about it and I'll let you know. Okay?"

"Sounds great, Guv."

Gene nodded and Ray walked out. He looked back up at the clock again and sighed. It was noon. It was time to pick Alex up. He swung on his coat and walked out of his office, squinting his eyes in the rare peek of sunshine. Alex was waiting for him on the sofa, dressed in a blouse with a pussy bow and her usual skinny jeans. For a moment, he stood there stunned. She was wearing makeup, not the electric blue eyeshadow of years gone by, but a darker, smokier, purple colour. It had been so long since he had seen her with makeup on that he had forgotten how much different she looked with it.

"Are you ready?" she asked, seeming anxious.

"Er...Yeah, let's go."

She walked next to him all the way to the station, seeming excited. Gene was getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't understand why she suddenly seemed so happy to be going to the station. It couldn't be because she missed the people; she couldn't remember any of them. He pushed his worry to the back of his mind. Maybe she was just excited to try and regain memories. They walked up the steps to the front. As soon as they were in the doors, Alex turned to him.

"So do I get a grand tour?"

"Er...yeah." Gene was still put off by how interested she seemed in everything. She hadn't seemed interested in anything since she had recovered from her catatonia. This was extremely odd for her. However, he took her on a tour of the station, finishing with the evidence room. After that, he took her to CID, where everyone introduced themselves to her. Gene noted the change in demeanour as everyone came forward. Although she had been eager to be in the station, she seemed extremely guarded now, unwilling to really talk to anyone. He frowned. Something was up. He was going to find out what it was.

At that moment, Alex appeared at his door. "I'm just going to the loo. I figured you'd want to know so you weren't wondering."

Gene merely nodded, returning to his paperwork and not thinking anything of it. After about ten minutes however, Alex hadn't returned. Either she was having some sort of womanly trouble or she had wandered off. He stood, leaving the office, checking to make sure he hadn't missed her entrance.

Gene checked the interview rooms but still didn't find anything. He continued walking down the corridors until he heard a scream from the evidence room. He knew that scream.

Gene ran to the evidence room, opening the door wide. Alex was sobbing on the floor, the television in front of her showing nothing but static. He could hear the sound of a tape being rewound.

"Alex?" he asked. "Alex what happened?"

She turned to him and he noticed, horrified, that her eyes had taken on the dead look once more.

"Alex, what's going on?"

She buried her face in her hands again. Gene ran over to the television and ejected the tape from the VCR.

"Oh Jesus." It was the tape of their torture at the hands of Josh Burrows. Burrows had recorded everything on the same tape, and where one torture ended, the other picked up.

"I can feel it," Alex whispered. "Gene. It hurts so much." She whimpered in pain, grabbing her chest.

"It's not real, Alex. Not anymore."

"But you're gone," she whispered. "Stabbed in the heart. Gone forever."

The tears stopped flowing as she started to focus on the door. Her arms went limp and fell to her sides. She was slipping away again. She couldn't slip away again. He nearly had her back!

"Alex," he said firmly. She blinked but gave no other signs that she knew of his existence. "Alex, you listen to me. I'm still here. I'm alive. My heart's still beating. I'm not leaving you for a long time, do you understand me?"

She gave no sign that she had heard. In an act of desperation, he grabbed her hand and put it against his chest, sitting in front of her, staring into her eyes which were staring through him.

"Damn it, Alex, you are not doing this to me again. I'm breathing. My heart's beating. I'm fucking alive. What other kind of confirmation do you want?"

She stayed motionless, but her mouth dropped open just slightly. Her eyes were again the hollow pits he had seen for four years. She looked just like she had at the psychiatric hospital for so long. Desperate, Gene suddenly had an idea. Cautiously, he bridged the small gap between them and pressed his lips against hers. She was unresponsive, but still he kissed her, putting his hand against the back of her head.

He closed his eyes, hoping, praying to the God he didn't believe in, but there was nothing. Her eyes remained open, unmoving, staring straight through him.

Tears were starting to burn in his eyes as he pulled away. "Alex, _no,_" he whispered, but there was no sign that she had heard.

Gene was filled with an overwhelming fury. Letting out a vicious bellow, he pushed the television off the shelf. It landed with a loud crash, but Alex didn't flinch.

"Come back!" he roared at her. "God dammit! I'm not dead, come back!"

Alex merely stared straight ahead.

There was a small knock at the door and Shaz poked her head in. "Guv?" she asked. "Is something wrong?"

She stepped into the room, stopping dead when she saw Alex. "Oh."

"Shaz," he said, trying to control the emotion in his voice, but knowing that the despair was creeping through. "Go ring her psychologist. I'll take her to the interview room."

* * *

><p>Sorry about that. This was originally supposed to be the final chapter as well, but HEY! Sudden plot twist! Only a few more chapters left!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**So last time I lied. I said there'd only be a few chaps left. There's actually like 6 or seven. Sorry. :/**

**Chapter 8**

Alex wandered through the field, staring curiously at the world around her. She had no idea how she had gotten here, but she found the place she was in beautiful. The grass around her was the darkest shade of emerald, and she could see a field of her favourite flowers in the distance. There was a tree up on a hill, and she saw something sitting on it. Curious, Alex started toward it.

She marvelled at how beautiful the land around her was. The sky was completely clear and a stunning blue colour. She had never seen anything like it before. The temperature was just right; she was neither too warm nor too cold.

A breath of wind blew past her. It was strange; she swore that she could hear words in the wind. They were too garbled to make out what was being said, but Alex was certain the wind was speaking to her.

Puzzled, she continued up the hill. Although the trek was long, she found that she could not get out of breath. It was more of an easy walk than anything.

Alex heard the padding of quiet footsteps behind her and turned around. She stopped dead. A lion was approaching her. For some reason, the lion seemed familiar, and she was not afraid of it. The lion padded up to her and bent its head so that she could touch his mane. She was surprised at how soft it was, almost velvety smooth.

As she petted the mane, it looked up at her. She was struck by the lion's eyes. They were a bright slivery blue, exactly the same colour as Gene's.

"Amazing, isn't it?"

Alex jumped at the sound of the voice behind her. She turned to see what looked like a clone of her standing with her arms crossed. The woman was barefoot, but she wore a pair of Alex's favourite jeans and a batwing top.

"Who are you? And what's so amazing?"

The woman nodded at the lion. "How much his eyes look like Gene's."

Alex felt a wave of sorrow as she heard Gene's name. "Who are you? And where am I?"

The other woman laughed delightedly. "You should know where you are, Alex. _You _created it."

Alex frowned. "I created this place?"

"You created everything here. From the grass, to the field over there, to the lion, to me." The woman cocked an eyebrow.

"I created _you? _When?"

"When you saw Gene tied to a chair with a knife sticking out of his chest. When you believed him to be dead."

"He is dead."

"How thick are you!" the woman asked incredulously. "I watched that bloody tape and you took over for those few minutes before you sent us both here. He bloody came in the room and you talked to him!"

Alex frowned, thinking hard.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I...Burrows. He was taking Gene hostage. That's the last thing I remember _clearly. _After that it's flashes."

"Take me through those."

"The phone rings and I pick it up. I'm sitting in CID. Then it jumps to me trying to break a door down. I'm running down a hall and Gene's there... and he's got a knife in his chest."

The lion nudged her hand. Alex sat down next to it and the woman sat down across from her. The lion purred, the rumbling vibrating his whole body. It nuzzled her cheek and she stroked his mane as the other woman spoke.

"What happens next?"

"There's a long blank period. And then...I remember one day I thought I might want to go back. Then...Chris, an older Chris was in front of me. He's got a scar down his face. After that it's picking a lock on a door. I was watching something on a television. Gene was pleading with me. I closed a file. Then...I was watching another television. I watched Gene get stabbed again." It was starting to come back to her now. "I screamed. I didn't want to even consider the possibility that he had been hurt. The door slammed open and he started to talk to me. And I told him it hurt."

"And then you came here," the woman finished.

Alex nodded. "What happened?"

"I took over. You made me. I lived here for four years until you decided you wanted to go back. But I went back instead of you. I knew I didn't belong there, that I wasn't you, but everyone kept telling me otherwise. In the end I went along with it. I knew to get you back there had to be something dramatic. I went to CID with Gene one day, excused myself to the loo and found the tape. I only watched the end of the tape, the last five minutes or so."

"The worst part," Alex whispered.

"It was horrid to watch. I wanted to leave, but I knew that I had to get you out. But it looks like my plan backfired."

"What do you mean?"

"Alex, you hid deep inside your subconscious for four years. You created me but you were afraid to let me take over. What do you think your body was doing?"

"I have no clue."

The other woman rolled her eyes. _"Catatonia_, Alex. A waking coma. You walk around if someone leads you. You eat if someone puts a fork to your lips. But you don't do anything. All day long, all you do is stare. Look."

The woman pulled a photograph from midair. Alex stared at it, stunned. It was her, seeming to stare right through the camera. Her eyes were hollow, her face pale.

"This is how I've lived for _four years?_"

"And then you had a good seven month period in a psych hospital and on a rehab unit."

Alex was stunned. The lion nuzzled her face again, getting her attention. It blinked at her, like it was trying to say something. Puzzled, Alex looked at the other woman.

"Just watch him," the woman said. "You'll figure out what he wants when it happens."

Alex frowned, but did what the woman said. The lion stared at her, the silvery blue eyes looking more and more like Gene's with every passing second. She thought about what the woman had said. Gene was alive. And he had spent four years watching her sit in a chair and stare through him.

The lion was growling now, a low growl that seemed to rumble the earth. Eventually, it quieted, and the wind started to blow. The woman started to speak behind her. "Fight for Gene, Alex. Remember how he feels. He's still completely in love with you. _He wants you back. _Alex, Gene _is _alive. He is so alive, but _so_ unhappy. He's devoted to you. Fight to get back to him, Alex."

The lion had morphed fully into Gene. He was now sitting across from her, a look of total dejection on his face. The lion-Gene spoke.

"I...I thought you were back for good. I thought you'd get your memory back, and you'd be Alex again. Because you were never Alex when you came back. You were someone else. They don't think you're going to come back this time. And honestly, I'm starting to agree. My gut's telling me to go with the doctors this time. I'll still visit. I won't forget you, but it's time for me to move on. I'll see you at Christmas."

Gene stood and leaned over. She felt his lips on her cheek before the man morphed back into the lion. Alex stayed motionless, tears forming in her eyes.

"Prove him wrong," the woman said softly. "Prove everyone wrong Alex."

"I don't want to start from scratch again, like you had to."

The woman smirked. "I'm part of you, aren't I? If you go back, you'll know everything I do. Maybe more. _Go back."_

"I don't know how."

"The lion will show you. Watch him, and he'll tell you what to do."

Alex gave one last look at the woman made from her own mind and turned back to the lion. "Okay," she said. "Let's do this."

~(*)~

Amy stared at the woman who had taken up residence in the rocker once more. She shook her head. Alex Drake had been a miracle in the beginning. Of course, after she had recovered, they couldn't wait to get her off the unit, but that didn't stop her recovery from being miraculous.

"How's Alex doing?" Ruth asked from behind her.

Amy turned and raised an eyebrow. "How do you think?"

Ruth shook her head. "The fool. How could she try and watch something like that?"

"She probably thought she was invincible."

"I'll reiterate. The fool."

Amy smiled. "She's a lot quieter than those two weeks, isn't she?"

Ruth nodded. "Do you remember how excited we were that she was leaving?"

"We would have thrown a party if we could have. She calmed down though when she understood more what was going on."

"True." They both fell into silence as the conversation hit its natural conclusion, both watching the woman in the chair. Amy got up and walked over to Alex, adjusting the blanket over her legs. Ruth followed and they both stared out the window as the conversation finally continued.

"Gene came today," Amy said. "I saw his name on the log earlier, and that new nurse, Rachel, from the previous shift told me as well in report."

"I wonder why he didn't come this evening?"

"She said that he only stayed about fifteen minutes and it was to say goodbye."

"He's not coming back?" Ruth asked sharply.

"No, he said he'd be back at Christmas, but he's finally given up the hope that she'll come back again."

"It didn't take him long this time," Ruth said softly. "She's only been back a week."

Amy smiled sadly. "But last time it was four years before she returned. And he really did believe. And it wore him out so much."

"In the beginning we used to have to get security to take him out. The first day he was convinced that if Alex just saw him, she'd come back. He's lost so much of his fight. I'm surprised her falling back didn't totally destroy him."

"I think it did, and I think that's why he came today," Amy said. "Not everyone ends up like Alex when they've been completely destroyed."

"Yeah, but that's not her fault, is it? It's the fault of the man who nearly killed her and then kept her hostage for six months."

"But it's her fault she's back. She wasn't ready to remember yet and she made herself remember."

Ruth nodded. "You're right. Poor girl. She destroyed herself and Gene in the same go."

"Do you think she's going to come back?"

Ruth shook her head. "Miracles only happen once. She had her miracle. She recovered. And Gene got her back for a little bit, didn't he?"

Amy shook her head no. "Gene never got _Alex_ back. He got the woman that came back without a memory who was learning to be Alex. He said that much to me the night she returned like this to the unit."

"Well, maybe Gene will get his miracle. But Alex has already had hers, so I don't think he can get his."

"That's a very negative way to view the world."

"I'm a nurse. We're supposed to be cynical."

"Aren't we supposed to be optimistic and help people feel better?"

"Yes, when the patient is actually on this planet. But Alex isn't. The doctor said so himself. She can't hear us; she probably can't even see us. Pretending to be optimistic in front of her and then walking to the nurse's station to whisper behind her back is ridiculous. We can stand in front of her and it's just like whispering behind her back."

"Ruth, that's horrible! I've never heard you talk like that. When did you get so rude and cynical?"

"When the last miracle I saw came back to us being pulled along by Doctor Stevens."

"I suppose you're right. I just wish..." Amy left the thought hanging. "Let's go finish the charting."

Ruth nodded and they walked back to the nurse's station, neither noticing the tear that fell down the silent woman's face.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Alex felt like a veil was being lifted off her eyes. She could see the window, and through that the grass and trees and buildings of London, but it seemed as though it was covered. Slowly though, the haze that impeded her vision dissipated and the outdoors became clear in her sight. She hadn't been able to move when her eyes were hazed over, but now, she felt something in her fingers and lifted one off the arm of the chair. She smiled, before returning her face to its normally vacant expression.

Alex stared out the window for a moment, taking in her surroundings silently. She knew exactly where she was, and she knew exactly what kind of commotion it would cause for her to move.

Alex merely stared for a while, enjoying the silence of the hospital, soaking in the late afternoon sun. It was shining directly on her, and the blanket that covered her legs made it way too hot. She had to take it off, but she didn't want to incite the pandemonium. Slowly, she turned her head around. There was no one at the nurse's station, or anywhere in her sight. Smirking to herself, she stood, folding the blanket nicely, and walked down the hallway. She had no idea where her room was, but she assumed she could find it easily. As she passed the doors, she realized that it would be much easier than she had originally thought. There were names on the doors. She continued down the corridor, looking left and right until she finally saw a sign that said 'Drake, A."

She went into the room, and knew immediately that it was hers. There were some photos on the walls of over four years past, with Chris, Ray, Shaz and Gene. Some of the things from her flat were there, and in the corner, sitting in a chair used for visitors, was Mr. Tiddles.

"My god," she said, stunned. "I didn't know you'd come with me."

She stared at it a moment, thinking back to when she woke up in the ladies locker room, convinced it was another day in hell. She remembered Gene telling her about the time spent when she thought she was five and being thoroughly embarrassed.

_I suppose this is more embarrassing though,_ she thought to herself. _Spending four years staring at a wall with drool hanging out of your mouth and having people feed you, bathe you..._

She didn't finish the thought. She couldn't. It was too demeaning to think about. Alex sighed, staring at the clock. She supposed it was time to go face the nurses. She looked out her window for a moment, basking in the sun before turning around. She opened the door and walked back down the corridor, wondering at the emptiness of it. She could hear voices in the distance and turned, walking towards them. The voices were coming from the end of the corridor, behind double doors. Someone was standing on the opposite side, facing the other way. The person was speaking.

"I'm just gonna get Alex, yeah? And then I'll be back." The woman turned and pulled the door open walking through and running into Alex. "Sorry Alex," the woman said and brushed past before stopping dead in the middle of the hallway. "Oh my god," she whispered.

Alex smiled softly. "Hi Ruth," she said, unsure of what else to do.

"Er...Hi," Ruth responded, dumbstruck. "Er...you can talk. Erm...Amy!" Ruth walked right past Alex and back through the double doors.

Alex tried not to grin. This had to be surprising. After all, only a few days ago they were talking about how she wasn't going to come back. They didn't know that she had been half awake for days, able to hear what was going on around her, to see it slightly, but unable to do anything else. A few moments later, Ruth came out followed by another nurse. Amy looked just as surprised as Ruth, and they both stood staring at Alex with their mouths open for a moment. Finally, Ruth spoke.

"Do you know where you are?"

"The psychiatric hospital I woke up in last time. You're Ruth, and you're Amy." Alex almost grinned. The other woman was supplying the memories just like she had promised.

"Do you know what happened?" Amy asked.

"I watched the video of what happened to Gene. And then I regressed."

Both the nurses seemed unsure of what to say. Alex knew why. They hadn't expected her to recover, and if she had, they expected the screaming, terrified version from before. They hadn't expected her to be fully cognitive.

"I'll ring the psychologist. And then I'll ring Gene," Ruth said.

Alex held up her hand. "Please, not Gene."

Ruth frowned. "But he's in charge of your care."

"Ruth, I've got my memories, I know who I am and where I am. If you don't believe me and really want to ring Gene, please wait until the psychologist comes and gives you report. I believe I'm able to decide for myself."

Ruth nodded. "We'll talk to the psychologist when he comes."

"Thank you."

"While she rings him, do you want to eat anything?" Amy asked. "We were just getting ready to get you for dinner."

"Yes, please. I'm ravenous."

She followed Amy into the canteen, where people were eating quietly. Most of the chatter, Alex found, came from the employees. She got into line behind Amy. "I'm not eating, of course," Amy said to Alex. "If you excuse me, I still feel like I need to lead you everywhere."

Alex gave a small smile and turned to the man serving the food. He looked stunned to see her walking about, just like most of the employees in the canteen. "Alex! What do you want tonight?"

"I suppose you don't have veal scaloppini. So whatever you're serving is great."

The man nodded and gave her a plate of food. She followed Amy to a table and sat down, joined shortly by Ruth.

"The psychologist will be here in a little bit. Probably half an hour after dinner is over."

Alex nodded and started to eat, though the meal had nothing on a plate of Luigi's pasta. Even the sea scallops with pineapple rings tasted better than this. And she didn't like sea scallops.

Twenty minutes later, she was done eating, and Ruth and Amy were still glancing at her as though they didn't believe their eyes.

"I'll go wait in my room, shall I?" Alex asked, standing from the table, uncomfortable with all the attention.

"We'll send the psychologist in as soon as he gets here."

Alex nodded and walked down the hallway, leaving the two to gossip about her.

"So?" Ruth asked. "What do you think about her request not to tell Gene?"

"Oh God! What if she heard our conversation the other day?" Amy asked.

"How? She was completely catatonic that day."

"But she was coming back for days the last time."

"But she had spent much longer in the catatonia."

"I think we should respect what she wants," Amy said, finally answering the question. "She's much more in control than last time."

"But like it or not, Gene's in charge of her care. Even if we do switch it back over to her, he's going to have to find out."

"Maybe not. If he thinks she's catatonic, there's nothing he has to know about."

"Yes, but what about when he comes to visit on Christmas?" Ruth asked flatly.

"What a Christmas present!"

Ruth laughed. "Yeah, Merry Christmas. Alex has been awake for a month but we've been keeping it from you."

"I'm sure he'd take it fine," Amy said jokingly.

Ruth just cocked an eyebrow. "I'm going to go see if Doctor Stevens is here. You plot."

"Fine!" Amy called after her. "I'll work it out."

~(*)~

"I just don't know how we can do this without telling Gene that you've recovered Alex," the psychologist said. "Besides, what do you want to do on Christmas when he comes to visit?"

"Tell him I have the flu or something."

The psychologist had come soon after dinner and after a long conversation had confirmed her to be mentally fit. He had already told her, however, that she was going to stay under close supervision for two months or so before he would consider letting her go out into the world again.

"Alex, you've got too high of a cognitive function to stay on this unit. You'll be moved upstairs, where people are more alert."

"That doesn't matter. Put the nurses in masks and they can say the whole unit is on quarantine."

"And what about when he tries to come back at a later date?"

Alex sighed. "I don't know. I just...I don't want him to know."

"Why don't you want Gene to know that you're better?"

"Because, what if I go back again? He's thought I was dead for six months and then found me when I thought I was five, had me for a month and then I went catatonic for four years. Then he spent eight months thinking that I was recovering, that I'd get my memories when I regressed back into catatonia. I've destroyed him. He visited me _every day_ for over a year. I've ruined his life, and it'd be better if I just stayed away from him, from all of CID."

The psychologist pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose. "We have to tell Gene, Alex. You do have the right to refuse visitors though. And if the next few months go well, we'll see about putting you in charge of your own care."

Alex frowned, annoyed. "Fine."

"I know it's not what you want..."

"No, it's not. I know Gene. As soon as he finds out that I'm okay, he'll be showing up every day, possibly more than once if I refuse to see him. He doesn't take no for an answer. He's going to get angry at the nurses on the unit for refusing him access and verbally abuse them. That's Gene in a nutshell."

"But Alex, you haven't known Gene for nearly five years."

"No. I didn't know him for four years. These past seven months or so I remember. And he's the same Gene at heart."

"Alex, I've been meeting with the man every month for nearly five years..."

"For an hour or so, right?" She waited until the psychologist nodded. "For seven months, I spent up to four hours a day with him. I _do_ know him."

Doctor Stevens stared at her for a moment before giving a small smile. "It was a lot easier arguing with you before, do you know that?"

"I've been told on many occasions that I'm a stubborn cow," Alex smiled back.

"Well, I wouldn't call you a cow, but stubborn, very."

Alex laughed. "So I'll spend until February upstairs and then I'm free?"

"If nothing significant has happened, then yes."

"I honestly don't think it will. I can remember everything, excluding that four or five months that I thought I was five. And what sent me over was Gene. He's alive and well."

The psychologist stared at her a moment. "Alex, do you think that this need to separate yourself from Gene has to do with the fact you think he's in danger around you?"

Alex frowned. "Why would he be in danger around me?"

"Well, the same man that kidnapped and tortured you kidnapped and tortured Gene just to watch your reaction."

"But that was just one time. I mean, if he nearly died every time I got into trouble, maybe I'd think so but..."

"There's been more than one occasion like this?" the psychologist asked sharply.

Alex cursed herself inwardly, knowing she had said too much. "Erm...Yeah."

"What happened?"

Alex looked down. She really didn't want to pour out her heart and soul to this man. Most of it was that she was a psychologist. She should be able to deal with this on her own.

_If you could deal with this on your own,_ a voice said inside her head, _you wouldn't be sitting in a psychiatric hospital. _

"Alex, will you tell me what happened?"

The repeated question with the name to sound more inviting trick. She knew them all. However, she responded.

"My first ten months after I moved to CID was...eventful. A few weeks after I joined, one of the suspects we had in a death threat case blew up the street with World War Two era dynamite. I was too close. Gene pulled me back and I passed out. A few months later we broke in to a government facility and got locked in a vault. We were almost out of oxygen when Ray and Chris opened it up. Then, we were investigating a robbery on a post office. I figured it out, went in alone and the man's wife hit me over the head with something and subdued me enough to get me locked in a cold store. I nearly died, but Gene rescued me. Then, a few months before the Burrows case, I was kidnapped in the middle of the street near a crime scene. He chloroformed me, strapped me down to a hospital bed and began to torture me. I nearly died then as well, but again, Gene saved me."

The psychologist was staring at her with his mouth slightly open. "Good God. You were just a ticking time bomb. I think when you get out you need to consider a change of careers."

"I was already thinking about that. Something mundane."

"Exactly." He looked at his watch. "Well, Alex. I'm going to have Ruth ring Gene. Remember that you have the right to refuse visitors if you don't want to see him."

"Is it alright if I walk out with you? I just want to talk to Ruth before she rings him."

The psychologist nodded and they walked down the corridor to the nurse's station together. "Ruth, I'm going to have you ring Gene. He's still in charge of Alex's care for the moment but after a few months we'll reassess. Also, let's see about moving her upstairs."

Ruth nodded as the psychologist walked out and looked back to Alex. "Do you need something Alex?"

"When you ring Gene, could you just say that I don't want visitors today or tomorrow? That I'm getting adjusted?"

Ruth nodded. "Sure, Alex. It's definitely a plausible story."

"Thank you." With that, Alex turned and went back to her room to lie on her bed and think about what she was now going to do. All she had ever wanted was to be a copper. Now, it was time to find something new. And whatever it was, she would make damn sure that it was enjoyable, even if it was mundane.


	10. Chapter 10

**To those of you that review, I extend to you an enormous thank you :) I know that I don't reply, but I do really appreciate them.**

**Also, to those of you who follow me on tumblr, sorry about all the posts about writing. It's just in my next fic, Alex is being _frustrating_ as hell. And I have to vent somewhere, right?**

**Chapter 10**

Gene stared furiously at the nurse at the door. "She just left?"

"Mr. Hunt, she's been put in charge of her own care. Doctor Stevens released her this morning. She's been packed up for days."

"Do you know where she went?"

"I'm not allowed to disclose that information unless you're a family member. And don't try to tell me you are, Mr. Hunt. I know you're not."

Gene glared at her for a moment before turning around and kicking a rubbish bin. He stalked out of the psychiatric hospital down to the Quattro, letting his tyres squeal as he left the car park.

He didn't understand what was going on with Alex. Two months ago, Ruth had called him to tell him that _Alex _was back. Not some woman, the real Alex. The one with all her memories. But then it had turned weird. She had said not to come for a few days. That Alex said she needed time. But then when he had turned up a few days later, they said she was still rejecting visitors. He had gone up every single day for two months, but every day they said the same thing. Ray, Chris and Shaz had all tried to go, but she had refused them as well. None of them had heard anything from Alex since she had come back. Gene was starting to wonder if this was all some sort of cruel joke.

Frustrated, he went to CID. It had become his thinking place and he would go there all hours of the day, just to stare at his corkboard, drink whiskey and think.

He walked into the station and the desk sergeant motioned him over. "Letter for you Guv," the man said.

"Who left it?"

The man raised his eyebrows. "DI Drake."

Gene hurried to his office, shutting the curtains and locking the door. He was certain that what he would read in this letter he wouldn't like, and he would be damned if someone got to see him react. He ripped the envelope open and pulled out the letter inside. He smiled when he saw it. It was _Alex's_ handwriting. Not the Alex that had relearned how to write, but the old Alex. However, his smile soon faded as he read through the letter.

_Gene,_

_For the past two months, I have been trying to figure out how to word this letter. First off, let me say that I've missed you. I have looked around the corner to get a glimpse of you through the window, but I won't let you any further than that. I have heard you shouting at the nurses because they won't let you in, but it wasn't their fault. I asked them not to. _

_Gene, I spent four years in a catatonic state. I remember none of those four years, but the nurses have told me enough, and I remember enough from my first recovery to know what you went through. I know that you used to visit every single day, telling me stories, trying to get me to snap out of my catatonia. And I know as the years went on, you stopped visiting so much until just before I woke up, when you only visited on holidays, the anniversary of the day I was sectioned, and my birthday. I cannot imagine the wear you must have felt after each visit. Nor can I imagine the happiness of having a form of me back for eight months followed by the disappointment of me regressing. _

_I heard what you said, Gene. In my catatonic state, I had created a world for me to go to, but you broke in and told me that you believed the doctors. You gave up hope so fast. But that's okay, Gene. I don't hold that against you in any way. Do not feel guilty for it. What hearing that message did was make me realise what you had gone through for me. Gene, you've spent the past five years of your life hoping that I'll magically come flying back to you. First, when you thought I was dead and then when I was catatonic. I'm writing this letter now to say that it's not fair on you. My psychological problems should not ruin your life as well as mine. For this reason I have chosen to break all ties with my former life. _

_We both need to move on Gene. If I stay around CID, we'll both just spend the time wondering whether I'll revert back to that state again. I don't want that to be your life. Please, Gene, find someone who will give you the love you deserve, someone who doesn't have the problems that I now have. You've always known I was slightly mental. From the beginning, when all I would talk about was a little girl and her birthday party, up until now, where I'm writing on a desk in the psychiatric hospital, I've never been quite right. It's not fair on you to deal with someone like that. _

_So I'm saying goodbye, Gene. I've written Chris, Ray, and Shaz all letters as well. I will miss you. I really do love you, Gene, but it's for the best if you accept the contents of this letter right now. Please, don't try and find me. _

_Take care of yourself._

_Love Always,_

_Alex_

Gene's hands were shaking. How could she do this? She couldn't shake off all the ties she had made! He set down the letter and poured himself a scotch, deciding one thing as the amber liquid fell into the glass.

He was going to ignore her letter. Damn it, he was going to find her.

~(*)~

Alex stared at the bookshelf, trying to decide which one she wanted to read next. She looked through them, picking out the oldest one and smiling. She had never realised how much loved books until she had gotten the job at the secondhand book store. She was the cashier there, working for a kindly old man who had gotten too old and blind to count change back to the customer. He had let the flat upstairs to her and she was right across from a pub with good food and good booze. That was all that mattered.

She didn't get drunk as often as she had in the past. Alex didn't know if this was because her life was less stressful, or if it was something to do with the catatonia she had suffered for so long. Either way, she figured she would go with it. It was nice waking up clear headed most mornings, as opposed to only about once a week.

Alex sighed, thinking back on Luigi's. She still ordered a takeaway from there about once a month, and Luigi would send out one of his waiters to send it to her. She was the only customer he would do a takeaway for. He was also the only person from her previous life she kept in contact with.

After her discharge date had been set, Alex had rung Luigi. He was nosy and annoying, but she loved the Italian and she knew he could keep a secret. He had arranged for her to stay in her old flat for a few weeks until she could find a new flat and a new job. To keep anyone from CID out, he had said that there were projects going on upstairs that couldn't be disturbed and put a piece of caution tape over the entrance to the stairs, both from the back exit and the one in the restaurant. They had worked out a system. If CID came by when she was out, the tape near the back entrance was tight. If CID was not there, it would hang down on the ground. They had also worked out a system for if she was in the flat. He would ring her phone, let it go two rings and then hang up.

It had been stressful and frustrating, but after a few weeks she had found this bookstore and had worked there since.

Alex stared at the clock. It was ten in the morning on Christmas Eve. She couldn't believe it had been a year since her recovery. The year had gone by so quickly. She had made plenty of friends at the pub and through the bookstore, but she was still planning on spending Christmas alone. Her friends all had family to go to. Alex was planning a quiet day in with a bottle of wine, a bath, and a book from the shop.

The bell tinkled and Alex looked up. A woman in her late thirties entered, looking through the packed shelves with interest. She was medium height, and her hair was as dark of brown as Alex's had been a year ago. After she left the psychiatric hospital, Alex had dyed her hair blonde, just to make it more difficult if Gene tried to find her.

"Can I help you?" Alex asked, approaching the woman with a smile on her face.

The woman smiled. "Yes, that would be fabulous. I'm looking for your westerns. My husband's boss is obsessed with the movies and I'm trying to see if he can actually read or if he just pretends to at work."

Alex laughed. "I knew a man like that a long time ago. He was such a dinosaur I don't know how he functioned!"

"That's how my husband's boss is! My husband was like that too until I got my hands on him. He's still a bit old fashioned, but at least he's in the eighties now. And I've got him reading. I was so proud when he picked up a book."

"You must possess some magical powers," Alex commented. "I think the dinosaur I knew would have flung the book back in my face. Maybe yours will go better."

"God I hope so. I just don't know what to get him otherwise."

"Whiskey?" Alex asked, thinking of Gene.

"Oh, no. I don't buy people alcohol. I'm teetotal, and while I don't mind if people drink, I'm not going to help them do it."

"Well, the westerns are over on this side of the shop," Alex said, pointing the woman to the left.

"Oh, God! I've insulted you haven't I?"

"No, you didn't! I'm just assuming you've got other Christmas shopping?"

"No, I've had it done for weeks. It's just this man. What do you get for the man who only ever wants the one thing he can't have?"

"What's that?"

"This woman that rejected him ages ago. He never got over her it seems like, but she's not been heard from for a long time. By the way, I'm Caroline."

"How odd. That was my mother's name. My name's Lexi."

"Lexi! I've loved that name since I was little. Short for anything?"

"Alexandra. I've never been able to stand my full name. Way too posh."

"Well, you sound the part. What's your full name?"

"Alexandra Margaret Caroline Cook. My maiden name was Price." Alex changed had not changed her last name officially, but she used it for everyday things like this. Changing her nickname was odd for a while, but she was used to it and hardly answered to Alex anymore.

Caroline gave a low whistle. "Jesus. That is an insane name. I don't even have a middle name. I'm just Caroline. Always have been, always will be. Some people call me Carrie, but don't ever call me Carol or I hurt you."

Alex laughed. "Alright. I'll make sure of that."

"So do you have any big plans for Christmas, Lexi?"

Alex shook her head. "I'll be staying at my flat. I don't have any family, so I'll be making Christmas dinner for one."

"Oh! That's awful! You should come over to my house to celebrate, Lexi! I know my husband won't mind and after all, I'm doing all the cooking, so he can't. Besides, we've got some of his work mates coming over anyway."

"I don't know, Caroline..."

"I know we just met, but I hate for anyone to be alone on the holidays. _Please_ come! The more the merrier!"

Caroline was starting to sound more and more like a child. Finally, Alex held up her hands in resignation. "Sure. What time do you want me over? I insist on helping with the preparation."

Caroline grinned excitedly. "Come over round 945. My husband and his mates are leaving about that time to go to the pub. I don't want them in the way of making dinner. Do you have a sheet of paper?"

Alex grabbed a notepad and a pen.

"Here's my address. Do you have a car to make it?"

Alex shook her head. "I'll book a taxi."

"Oh, but I'll feel so bad! I ask you over and then you have to pay to get there! I'm going to pick you up. I'll be here at 9.30. Or is that too early?"

"No, that's great!" Alex said.

Caroline gave a huge grin. "Perfect! Now, can I see that book?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Gene glared at Ray. "That goal was in. You know it was."

"Guv! It was five feet wide of the goal!"

"Dunno, Ray," Chris said. "It looked in to me."

"Well, you're a twonk Chris, so it doesn't matter."

"Well, Raymondo. Let's see you use your thinking skills that your wife brags about so much. If you say I made this goal, then you don't have all of CID's paperwork for a week."

Ray looked down at the ground. "It's in," he mumbled.

"Sorry, Ray. Didn't catch that."

"It's in!" Ray said loudly.

Gene smirked. "I thought so. And you called Chris here a twonk."

He walked away, Chris by his side. Their footie match was three on three. It was Chris, Viv and him on one team and then Ray, his brother and his brother-in-law on the other.

"God!" Ray's brother-in-law Jim said. "It's bloody cold Ray! Why did you talk us into this?"

"Cause you and Gene got us kicked out of the pub within five minutes and Carrie wanted us out of the house until at least noon. She says that we'll only get in the way of cooking Christmas dinner."

"There's a proper woman there," Gene said. "Knows her place." He winked at Ray, knowing he couldn't say his mantra on the perfect woman in front of said woman's brother.

"Well, my knackers are about to fall off!" Ray's brother Rich said. "We've been out here for nearly a bloody hour. Do you think Carrie'll kill you if you go back now?"

"I don't think so," Ray said. She said to expect dinner round one anyway, so if we go now, we can all warm up a bit before dinner. And she'll probably say we smell awful make us take a shower as well."

"Not together I hope," Gene quipped. "I've got better things to see in life than your todger, Carling."

Ray said nothing, knowing the Guv's sense of humour well enough now. "Let's go back."

Gene nodded. "As much as the ladies love my knackers, they won't be so enthralled if they're blue."

There was a general agreement around the group and they all walked over to the cars. Viv had to go back home, but everyone else was all going to Ray's. Shaz was joining them there about noon.

Gene pulled out, his tyres squealing. Chris was sitting in the back and Ray in the passenger seat. "Oh, I forgot to tell you two. Carrie made a new friend yesterday at a bookstore."

"Why do we care?" Gene asked.

"Because the woman had no family so she's our charity case for the year. So she's told me to lecture you about being nice, Guv, because, and I quote 'Lexi is a very, very sweet woman.' She also wanted me to beg you to not try to get in her knickers."

"I never try to get in a girl's knickers, Ray. They pull them off and throw them at me when they see me. It's my irresistible Gene Genie charm."

Ray laughed, but he knew that the quick tongue was just a front that Gene had put up. To CID he looked like the Guv of old, ready with a witty remark, pulling any bird he wanted. It seemed as though the Guv was finally over Alex. But only Ray knew that this was fake. Most of the rumours of Gene going off with different birds had been spread around the office by Ray himself. Gene went home most nights after a few drinks at Luigi's, going back to search for any more sign of Alex. So far though, there had been nothing. She had disappeared, and she disappeared well. But London was the kind of city where you could hide easily.

"What's her name?" Gene asked suddenly.

"Lexi Cook."

"Jesus. How young is she?"

"She's about Carrie's age and," Ray made air quotes, "absolutely gorgeous. She's a beautiful blonde with a good pair-sonality, if what I interpreted from Carrie is right."

Gene sighed. Blonde wasn't his type. Neither were people named Lexi. Although, Carrie didn't want him in Lexi's knickers, so at least she wasn't trying to pair them up. She had done that enough over the past year.

Gene slowed to a stop in front of Ray's house. Jim and Rich pulled up behind them and they bundled in the house. "Carrie!" Ray called. "We're home."

He started toward the kitchen as the rest of the group started taking off their jackets and shoes. "Sorry we came back so early, we got kicked out of the pub and..._ BLOODY HELL!_"

Ray's shout made the four other men jump and they all ran to the kitchen. Gene looked around, seeing a blonde woman and Carrie. He didn't understand why Ray was staring at the blonde with a look of utter shock on his face. The blonde was staring back and Gene started to study her.

"Oh my god," he murmured.

She turned when she heard his voice. Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Gene," she whispered.

"Alex," he said quietly. The group stood frozen for a moment until Carrie spoke.

"So you two know each other then?"

That broke the silence and everyone started talking, explaining their story. Only Alex and Gene were silent, Gene staring at Alex, Alex looking for a way out. Suddenly, she jumped into motion, pushing past Ray and Chris and running to the front door. However, she was stopped there as the door opened and Shaz walked in, child in tow.

"Ma'am!" Shaz said, stunned, but Alex had pushed past her. She started running down the street with Gene following her.

"Alex! You stop!" he yelled.

She kept running, turning the corner and looked over her shoulder. Gene had picked up his pace a bit, turning the corner and starting to close in on her.

"Come on Bolly! Just stop and talk to me!"

She didn't stop, but he got close enough to put his arms around her waist and picked her up off the ground, slowing down and nearly falling over. Alex started to struggle immediately. Suddenly, she got a flashback of Ray doing the same thing five years previously. Chris was holding his face, deep red blood covering his hand. Gene was in the corner, clad in only his pants, scarlet pouring out of his chest, unconscious. The memory stunned her for a moment and she stopped struggling, focusing all her attention on keeping herself in the present. She was not going to let her mind take her back. Gene was alive and well and he was holding her around the waist.

Once she got focused, she started to struggle again. "Damn you Gene. Let me go!"

"No! Not until you promise not to run away."

"Fine. Now let me go!" He let her feet gently touch the ground and dropped his arms from her waist. Alex promptly turned and slapped him on the face.

"What the hell was that for?"

"For holding me like that. How dare you! And I told you not to try and find me!"

"I wasn't really trying, Alex. It's more your fault for being in Ray's house for Christmas dinner!"

"I didn't know it was Ray's house! Caroline just invited me yesterday." They were yelling loudly enough that the whole street could hear, the row rivalling those of the past in CID.

"Yeah, I heard about you being this year's charity case. 'Spending Christmas all alone,'" he whined sarcastically. "Did you just whinge to her so she'd invite you?"

"I never met her before yesterday! She asked me what I was doing and then insisted I come over! What, was I supposed make up this lovely fantasy about how I was going to have a huge Christmas feast and Tiny Tim would be announcing 'God bless us, everyone!'?"

"So you just decided to come over to Ray Carling's house after a year of avoiding all of us?"

"_I didn't know she was Ray's wife. _The last I really _knew_ Ray there was no way he was going to settle down."

"You mean you had no idea where you were going or what you were getting into, but you came anyway? Christ, Bolly! You never did have any common sense."

"Caroline was nice enough," Alex said defensively.

"And that's how people lure you in! You may be a psychologist but you're not that fantastic at reading people."

Alex was speechless. Eventually she made a noise of disgust and turned around, starting to stalk off. Gene grabbed her wrist.

"No. Stay for dinner."

"Gene, I've spent the past year staying away from you lot. I can't just come back for one day."

"Then stay. Just come back."

Alex shook her head. "I covered this."

"You mean in that bloody letter? You never even gave me a chance to respond."

"You know as well as I do that I was right. It's better if I stay away. What happens when you get hurt on the job? If I don't know, I can't go back."

"You _won't._"

"That's what they said last time. But, funnily enough, I remember staring out a window for a week solid. And, as strange as it may seem, I don't really want to go back to that!"

"You remember the last time?"

"I don't remember the first few days. I remember you coming in to talk to me and then the world was hazy for several days before it cleared and I could move again."

"So you were never as far gone as you were before!"

"The first few days, yes I was. And again, going near you increases my likelihood of going back. What would you do if I went back like that Gene? You'd come visit me, you'd dread it, but you'd stay devoted to me. Just like you did for four years. I'm bad for you. I'm bad for all of you. If I stay away, you get a life."

Gene stared at her, unwilling to say what he was thinking. He didn't want to sound soft and daft, but he felt like he needed to. "I don't want a life without you in it." He immediately cringed at how corny that sounded.

"No, Gene. I'm sorry."

"Alex, please."

He was pleading with her, and that made it hurt more. Gene never pleaded with anyone. However, she shook her head no and started to walk away, wiping the tears away before they started to flow.

"Let me take you home at least? I'm sure it's going to be a walk, and it's bloody cold."

"No. Not even a ride, Gene," she said without turning around. She could feel his eyes on her back, just staring at her, but she didn't turn around. She walked slowly down the road, freezing cold, but glad that she hadn't accepted the ride from Gene. She just wished that she had grabbed her jacket.

Tears were still falling down her face fifteen minutes later, but she let them fall without wiping them away. How could she still be so attached to this man after even a year? It wasn't right. They both needed to move on.

Alex looked up, seeing two people standing with their backs to her on a corner next to a parked car. She braced herself, wiping her tears, trying to not look like a total mess as she passed them. "Excuse me," she muttered.

"No," one of the women said. Alex looked up to see Shaz and Caroline standing in front of her. "We're not letting you go home," Shaz said. "You're going to have dinner with us, and you're going to play with my son Lee, and then at the end of the day you will go home. But not before. And you're not going to give us the crap about it being for the best either. Because everyone in that CID office misses you, Alex, Gene most of all."

"Shaz," Alex started, but Shaz cut her off.

"No bullshit ma'am. Now listen, I understand your reasons, but you've got to put your past behind you. Now, do you want a day full of laughter and family, which is what Christmas is supposed to be about, or do you want to spend the day drinking and being miserable? Let me make the choice for you. Now shut up and get in the car."

Alex stared at Shaz, wondering when the girl had suddenly gotten so strong willed. "You've been hanging out with Gene too much, Shaz," Alex said with a smile.

"You're not the first person to say that. Carrie told me that as well on our way over here."

Caroline blushed and looked down. "I'm sorry, Lexi. I didn't know..."

Alex held up her hand. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't tell me anyone's name and I didn't bother to ask. And I accepted to come over here anyway."

"Good," Shaz said. "Now get in the car."

Shaz continued her lecture in the car. "I hope you don't think you're going off and disappearing again, Ma'am. We all missed you and have been trying to find you since you sent us all those ridiculous letters at the beginning of the year."

"I told you not to!"

"And who of CID do you think is going to listen? Gene? Chris might, but he didn't even understand his. Ray wouldn't. You know how we are. We're all completely insubordinate, but we get the job done. We learned it from you, you know. At least I did."

"Are you yelling at Gene in my place, Shaz?"

"Only when he's being irritating, homophobic or racist."

"Which is all the time." The three women laughed, and continued the car ride, Shaz and Caroline talking excitedly, but Alex staying quiet in the back. This was what she had been trying to avoid for the past year. Now here she was, stuck for the day with Gene and Shaz and Ray and Chris. She had to disappear again. But where would she go?


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Half an hour after Shaz and Carrie left, they returned, a reluctant Alex in tow. Gene grinned inwardly. Perfect. He'd change her mind by the end of the day, he was sure. However, she was looking anywhere but at him, staring for too long at paintings and other trinkets before she finally got as far away from him as she possibly could, going to talk to Jim and Rich who were standing around watching her. Jim seemed quite interested in her, never taking his eyes off her, even when Rich was talking. Gene felt jealousy rising up inside him, but pushed it back down. He'd win Alex back, he was certain of it.

Soon after, Carrie was putting dinner on the table and Ray poured out seven glasses of wine. Shaz and Alex were talking quietly together, Alex holding the eighteen month old Lee on her hip, bouncing him. Lee was laughing happily, quite enjoying the new woman who was giving him attention. Watching her, Gene realised that she would have been an excellent mother. He felt a pang of sorrow for the child she had lost, knowing how that felt, but Alex seemed not to be thinking of Molly. She seemed perfectly at ease with the child, hardly noticing the movement she was doing to make the little boy happy.

A few minutes later, Carrie announced that dinner was ready. Everyone followed her into the dining room except Shaz, who went to put Lee upstairs for a nap. Everyone quickly took a seat. Alex sat between Rich and Jim, directly across from him at dinner. He kept trying to meet her eyes, but she refused to look at him. Gene knew what she was doing. She thought that if she pushed him away, he would lose hope and give up trying to talk to her. It wasn't going to work though. He would pester her enough that by the end of the day, she would talk to him.

After everyone was served, the conversation started to flow.

"So, Alex," Shaz asked, finally back downstairs after putting Lee to sleep, "why did you decide to work in a bookshop?"

"After I came back again, both the psychologist and I agreed it would be the best thing for me to stay out of CID," Alex explained. "He said I was pretty much a ticking time bomb with all the trouble I seemed to find. If I had stayed in the policing career, it would have been much easier for me to relapse."

"But why books?" Carrie asked.

"I've always loved them," Alex replied. "Although I never thought I'd go into something like this. After I was released in early February, I was looking everywhere for a job and a flat. I came across the help wanted sign and fell in love the idea of being surrounded by books all day."

"That's a bloody shock," Gene interjected. "I remember trying to get you to read those damn books that rehab wanted you to read. It took you bloody months."

Alex smiled gently, looking slightly to the left of him. "I wasn't myself then. I was someone else."

"Who'd you stay with?" Ray asked suddenly. "We wouldn't have even known you were out if the Guv hadn't tried to visit every day."

Gene saw a flash of guilt in her eyes before she continued speaking. "I can't say, Ray. You all know the person too well and I don't want you to think any less of him or her for letting me stay hidden."

"Why'd you need to stay hidden though?" Jim asked her, puzzled.

"I felt it was better for everyone."

"Yeah, she wrote us all a letter," Shaz said.

Chris looked up suddenly. "Can you explain mine?" he asked. "I couldn't understand a bloody word of it."

The table laughed and continued to eat, changing the topic to more light hearted matters, like what everyone got for Christmas. Jim and Alex were having a side conversation quietly, and Jim was making Alex laugh every time he spoke. Alex was still looking determinedly anywhere but Gene.

"Calm down, Guv," Shaz said quietly, who was sitting next to him. "They'll be able to feel your tension next door."

Gene glared at Shaz and then back at Alex who was talking animatedly with her hands. Somewhere, she had switched to French, and Jim was laughing at her.

Finally Gene decided that he couldn't take listening to the conversation anymore and started his own topic. "So what's with the name change?" he asked loudly and rudely, bringing all the other conversation to a halt and throwing the dinner party into an awkward silence.

"Guv," Ray said, warningly. Carrie looked offended and the rest of the table shocked, except Alex, who was smiling coldly over her wine, finally looking directly at him.

"I decided I liked Lexi better than Alex," Alex explained simply. "Just seemed like a nice name."

"If you're twenty."

Alex cocked an eyebrow, and Ray looked to Carrie. "There's going to be a row," Gene heard him whisper.

"And what about your last name?" he continued. "Decided you liked Cook better, eh?"

Gene noticed that one by one, people were making excuses to leave. Last was Shaz, looking disgustedly at him.

"I didn't know that what my name was had anything to do with you."

"You've completely changed who you are!" he hissed. "What happened to Alex?"

"Spending four years in a waking coma can change people, Gene!"

"You don't have to tell me twice. Jesus Christ you turn up, you've changed your name, your hair, you're two stone underweight..."

"Oh! Now you don't like how I look!" Alex was getting loud now, her cheeks flushed with anger. "For your information, _Hunt, _and not that it's any of your business, I've been trying to gain the weight back but I can't! And what my hair colour is _really _isn't your business. Maybe I like to be blonde. Have you ever considered that option?"

"You can't pull it off."

Alex looked extremely offended before she calmed, her eyes almost smiling with menace. "I'm sorry Gene," she said venomously. "I didn't know you'd gone to beauty school. Please, tell me, when are you planning on telling the rest of CID that you're gay? Because according to you, the only men care about hair are 'poofters and queers.'"

Gene's mouth dropped open, completely speechless. Alex grinned, knowing that she had won the argument. She picked up her plate and walked into the kitchen where the rest of the party was. "Caroline, can I talk to you for a moment alone?"

Caroline nodded, showing her to a sitting room adjacent to the kitchen. She closed the door and stood facing Alex.

"I'm really sorry, Carrie," Alex said. "I've ruined your Christmas."

Carrie just smiled. "I'll admit, it didn't go as planned, but it was very entertaining."

"You mean you don't care that Gene and I got into a row at the table?"

"No! We could all hear you in the kitchen. Anyone that calls Gene gay and leaves him speechless is a hero in my books." Carrie laughed, but Alex still felt guilty.

"Lexi, don't feel bad. Gene likes to stir up trouble. You should know that as well as anyone. According to Ray, you two used to be together."

Alex nodded.

"Besides, couldn't you tell how jealous Gene was of all the attention Jim was giving you?"

"He was?" Alex was mystified. She had been avoiding looking at Gene for the entire meal.

"Yes! He was just giving Jim death glares and clenching his fist. I feared for the fork in his hands."

Alex shook her head. "He needs to move on. That's why I got out of their lives."

"But, why? Ray told me what happened to you. Don't you want people you love and trust to help you?"

Alex shook her head. "My concern for Gene is what sent me into the waking coma both times. If I go near him, I just feel like it's only a matter of time before I return. And the nurses said that I destroyed Gene the last time I slipped into catatonia. He came to say goodbye less than a week into it. He was ready to move on then, he should move on now."

"But there's a difference between being the living dead and actually _living._ Lexi, you're everything he's dreamed of for the past five years. I guarantee you that most of the memories that he relives are the times you spent together. Believe me. I remember when you came back and everyone was trying to get in to see you. I saw Gene sitting at Luigi's, staring into his pint, completely sober, asking the Italian 'why won't she see me?' Your rejection of him is hurting him as much as you being in the waking coma."

"It's better this way."

"For who?" Carrie asked incredulously. "You miss Gene, he misses you. We get to be in the company of a miserable bastard because he misses you. Everyone loses. And as for the going back into the catatonia. Neither time that you went into it were you fully recovered. The first time, you were supposed to wait at least a month, but you didn't. You were then faced with the man who tortured you torturing Gene and believed him to be dead. The second time, you still hadn't yet recovered your memories and then forced yourself to watch them. Now, you've been back a year, your memory is perfect and you're still hiding yourself away."

"The psychologist said to get a mundane job," Alex protested weakly.

"Yes, get a mundane job, but not throw out everyone to do with your previous job! Jesus, Lexi! I thought you had sense! Now go kiss the man and make up."

Alex frowned thoughtfully before smiling at the woman. "You know, I've been going to a psychologist for over a year and he's never said anything like that."

"That's because he's not a woman."

"I just...I don't think I can. Not today. I've been running for so long. I need to adjust."

"_Carpe Diem, _Lexi. Seize the day. You should know better than anyone that you can't know what tomorrow brings."

Alex bit her lip.

"You can see I'm talking sense. Listen to me."

"I just...I can't. Thanks for dinner, Carrie. I'm going to go. I need the walk. And again, I'm sorry for any trouble I've caused."

Carrie looked disappointed. "I suppose you want to slip out the back way?"

"If you would let me, that would be fantastic."

Carrie nodded, and showed Alex out the back. Alex sighed a moment, relieved, and started to walk. She knew that none of this was fair on the woman she had met only yesterday, but she couldn't stay around Gene any longer. She couldn't ruin his life again. She knew that Carrie thought that she was being ridiculous, that Gene and Shaz and Chris and Ray probably thought so too, but she didn't care. She had to stay away from them. It was for the best for everyone. Gene _would_ get over her eventually, she was certain.

About halfway back to her flat, she had the feeling that she was being watched. However, when she turned around, there was no one there. She shivered, but not from the cold. The last thing she needed was someone stalking her.

For the remainder of her walk, she looked over her shoulder ever few minutes, but the feeling of being watched didn't return. Alex wondered if she had imagined it. Shrugging to herself, she got her keys out to let her in the store and up to the flat. However, as she turned the key in the locked, the feeling of being watched returned. Alex turned around quickly, but there was no one around. It was silent all up and down the street, everyone inside, out of the cold weather. Shuddering to herself, she went upstairs, making sure that the door was locked behind her. She couldn't imagine what she would do if someone broke into her store. She was no longer a copper, so she no longer had a gun. And if a large man broke into the shop, she couldn't imagine her slight form being able to hold him off for long.

She walked upstairs, fixing herself a cup of tea and settling on the couch. The next day and a half would be boring, but she could open up the shop for a few days before the New Year. The flow of customers wouldn't be large, but keeping the shop in order would occupy her mind.

However, right now, all she was faced with until 27 December was the opportunity to think. Alex dreaded the next two days. It was going to be her own little hell.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Gene stared at the front of the shop. It had been closed since Christmas. He had come every day, hoping Alex would open it up so he could come in. He didn't really like books, but he figured if he came in as a customer, she'd have to talk to him. However, it had been a week and a half since Christmas day, and he was starting to get worried. Why wasn't the shop opening? Had she relapsed after Christmas dinner?

He had been furious when he found out that she slipped out again. However, before he could release his rage, Carrie had slipped something into his hands.

"Sorry," she had said. "I forgot to wrap it."

Gene had stared at the book in his hands, wondering why the hell Carrie was giving him a book _now_ of all times. He had flipped through it, until the middle of the book where a bookmark was placed. It was paper, cheaply made, but Gene had grinned. The bookmark announced the name of the book shop and bore the address. He had flipped it over, where Carrie had written a little note. _She lives above the book shop. _He had left the house in a rush, saying goodbye to the group and apologising to Carrie and Ray.

Gene had started to go along the quickest way to the bookshop, but was deterred when he saw Alex trudging home along that path. He knew that if she saw him, she'd try and hide, so he had turned and gone a few streets out of the way to get to the shop. He had waited for a while, the Quattro parked around the corner so she couldn't see it, and hid in a staircase leading to the bottom level of a pub across the street. He had peered above the concrete, watching as she looked around uncomfortably before going in and locking the door tightly.

That was the last he had seen her. It was a week and a half later, and nothing had stirred around the building. He had wanted to go up and knock to see if she was alright, but the store was the only way to get to the flat above. Gene was just about ready to go when a car pulled up outside the building and Luigi stepped out, holding a bag of food. He frowned. What was Luigi doing here? Why was he delivering food? Luigi never did takeaways, nor did he deliver.

Luigi pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He walked in, locking the door behind him. Mind made up, Gene walked over to Luigi's car, sitting himself on the bonnet. There was nothing left to do now but wait.

~(*)~

Alex woke slowly, freezing cold even though every single blanket she owned was on top of her. Her teeth had been chattering nonstop, but she was so exhausted from several sleepless nights that she finally slept through this. Alex smiled when she saw a tray of food in front of her. Luigi had been in then. She had called him that morning, begging him to bring her soup or anything light. She had not been able to get up for longer than about two minutes for nearly a week and hadn't eaten anything in that long. That morning, she had finally woken up with an appetite again, something that she saw as a good thing. The only person with keys besides the old man who owned the shop was Luigi, and that's because he had insisted on having a set so he could check up on her. At the moment, she was very grateful for the Italian's stubbornness.

Alex opened up the cup that held the soup and gagged at the smell. Maybe she wasn't as ready for food as she had thought.

"You need to eat that," a voice said softly, scaring her to death and making her drop the cup.

"Gene!" she said, but her voice was so hoarse it could hardly be heard. "Why are you in my flat?"

"That's what your voice sounds like? You're not allowed to talk now. Not until your voice comes back."

"Get out."

"What did I say? You need to take care of your voice, or it's just going to be longer before it comes back."

Alex glared at Gene, but he smirked at her. He was clearly enjoying bossing her around. What she couldn't figure out is how he got in. She realised that someone probably told him where she lived, but how did he get in?

"And you spilled all your soup on the floor. You really should have eaten that you know. You look like you've lost another ten pounds."

"Maybe if you hadn't scared me to death," she said angrily, but the act of speaking really hurt her throat.

"What did I tell you Alex...sorry, _Lexi?_ No speaking. I'm going to talk now and I don't want to be interrupted."

Alex glared at him, but he was unfazed. He'd been on the receiving end of worse things than a glare from her. Gene grinned like a child before turning serious and pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"Do you know what this is?"

Alex shook her head, giving up on trying to get Gene to leave. She didn't have the strength to get up, or the voice to yell at him. Maybe if she just listened for a few minutes, he'd leave.

"This is the letter you wrote to me."

Alex frowned, puzzled. Why would he be bringing that up now?

"I remember reading through it. The best part of it was that you didn't even have the courage to look me in the eye and give it to me. You snuck around. You wouldn't say goodbye. Do you know how much that hurt?"

Alex looked at the ground, ashamed.

"Do you even remember what you wrote?"

She nodded her head, but she couldn't remember exactly how she worded the letter.

"You're lying," Gene said. "I can tell." He opened up the letter, squinted at it for a moment and sighed. He reached into his jumper pocket, pulling out a pair of reading glasses. "Bloody age," he muttered to himself, putting them on. Alex almost laughed at the sight of him in reading glasses. How must CID have reacted when they first saw him wearing them?

"Shut up," Gene said, glaring at her. Alex looked away and Gene started to read the letter out loud.

"'_Gene,_

"'_For the past two months, I have been trying to figure out how to word this letter. First off, let me say that I've missed you. I have looked around the corner to get a glimpse of you through the window, but I won't let you any further than that. I have heard you shouting at the nurses because they won't let you in, but it wasn't their fault. I asked them not to. _

"'_Gene, I spent four years in a catatonic state. I remember none of those four years, but the nurses have told me enough, and I remember enough from my first recovery to know what you went through. I know that you used to visit every single day, telling me stories, trying to get me to snap out of my catatonia. And I know as the years went on, you stopped visiting so much until just before I woke up, when you only visited on holidays, the anniversary of the day I was sectioned, and my birthday. I cannot imagine the wear you must have felt after each visit. Nor can I imagine the happiness of having a form of me back for eight months followed by the disappointment of me regressing.'_

"Damn right, you don't know," he said quietly. "Watching you stare at a wall all day long? You were stronger than anyone, Alex. To see you like that made me wonder when the rest of us would get sent over the edge, when we'd end up sitting side by side in that bloody hospital." He frowned at her and continued to read the letter.

"'_I heard what you said, Gene. In my catatonic state, I had created a world for me to go to, but you broke in and told me that you believed the doctors. You gave up hope so fast. But that's okay, Gene. I don't hold that against you in any way. Do not feel guilty for it. What hearing that message did was make me realise what you had gone through for me. Gene, you've spent the past five years of your life hoping that I'll magically come flying back to you. First, when you thought I was dead and then when I was catatonic. I'm writing this letter now to say that it's not fair on you. My psychological problems should not ruin your life as well as mine. For this reason I have chosen to break all ties with my former life.'_

"It was hard enough the first time around, but the second. You could have fought harder. I blamed you. I didn't want to see you," he said, staring straight at her. "It pissed me off. You knew better than to watch that video before your memories came back. And then you're blaming us for sending you back."

As Gene continued to talk, Alex felt more and more guilty. She had been so selfish, not even considering anyone else.

"'_We both need to move on Gene. If I stay around CID, we'll both just spend the time wondering whether I'll revert back to that state again. I don't want that to be your life. Please, Gene, find someone who will give you the love you deserve, someone who doesn't have the problems that I now have. You've always known I was slightly mental. From the beginning, when all I would talk about was a little girl and her birthday party, up until now, where I'm writing on a desk in the psychiatric hospital, I've never been quite right. It's not fair on you to deal with someone like that.'_

"I know what happened with Molly, Alex," he said, his voice a deep growl, but not unkind. She frowned. How would he know? "It's in your file what happened with her. And that gives you a right to be mental for a while. Losing a child..." Gene stopped speaking, looking away and Alex realised that he had thought that Molly had died. It was close enough to her situation, she supposed.

Gene cleared his throat and continued to read.

"_So I'm saying goodbye, Gene. I've written Chris, Ray, and Shaz all letters as well. I will miss you. I really do love you, Gene, but it's for the best if you accept the contents of this letter right now. Please, don't try and find me. _

_Take care of yourself._

_Love Always,_

_Alex'_

"Best for who? You don't seem happy, I'm not happy, CID misses you. So tell me, when along the line did this seem like a good idea? Still doesn't seem like a good one to me."

He stared at her, but she couldn't look back, feeling guilty and also slightly nauseous. No, make that extremely nauseous. The smell of the soup on the ground was started to get to her. Frantic, she pulled the rubbish bin closer to her and heaved, but nothing came up. She groaned, settling against her pillows. Gene was merely staring at her. She wanted to throw something at him, anything, to make him go away, to make him stop staring at her, but she didn't even have the strength to move her arms.

Her eyes were growing heavy. Gene kept staring at her, watching her, making her relive all the guilt that she had felt over pushing him away. She kept repeating his words in her head._ "Made me wonder when we'd end up sitting side by side in that bloody hospital...You're blaming us for sending you back... Losing a child makes it alright to go mental for a while... I'm not happy...Still doesn't seem like a good idea to me."_

Over and over the words repeated until she finally fell into a dreamless sleep, Gene still staring at her.


	14. Chapter 14

**So I totally forgot today was Monday and update day! Hahaha. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 14**

She was too hot. For a moment, it seemed like blessed relief versus the freezing cold she had been feeling for so long, but as she got hotter, the relief went away. She had to be sweating now. Her teeth were chattering, but why? She was too hot to have her teeth chatter. Suddenly, she got cold again. Damn it! She had just gotten warm. Alex pulled the blankets tighter around her, trying to get as much warmth as possible. It worked for a few minutes, until she got way too warm again.

Alex kicked off the blankets, desperately wishing that her body could make up its mind. She'd rather be freezing or hot, not switching between the two. She put her hand up to her head, feeling sweat. She wasn't surprised to feel it there. That had to be what cooled her off a little while earlier. She felt her pillow, and it was also wet with sweat. The rest of the sofa must be as well.

Keeping her eyes shut, Alex felt the cushions below her, only to be surprised that she was no longer lying on cushions. She had been moved to the bed at some point. Alex cursed Gene silently. Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, and got out of bed, her legs feeling like jelly. She wrapped a blanket around her shoulder and trudged out of the bedroom, feeling better than she had, but still completely awful.

As soon as she stepped out of the bedroom, she heard the television. Annoyed that Gene was still there, she marched over towards the couch to tell him off. However, she stopped halfway. Coming from the kitchen was a wonderful smell. Curious, she wandered in to see a pot of soup on the stove. In front of the pot, and looking utterly relaxed in a jumper, jeans and socks, was Gene. He turned as he heard her walk in.

"Bout time you woke up. You've been sleeping for hours. God, you look terrible."

"Thanks," she murmured, her throat slightly less sore. She moved to sit down at the table, certain that her legs wouldn't support her for much longer. A few seconds later, a bowl of soup appeared in front of her. Alex looked up at Gene, who was staring at her, the emotion in his silvery blue eyes hidden.

"Eat. You've got two stone plus some to gain back."

Alex smelled the soup, but it didn't affect her like Luigi's had earlier. Maybe it was because she could hardly smell it.

"You need to shower after you eat," Gene said, sitting across from her with a bowl of soup as well. "Get off that sweat."

"Who are you...?"

"To tell you what to do? Quite honestly, Bolls, right now I'm the only person you have helping you out. You've pushed everyone else away. How long have you been ill? Today was the first day that Luigi came. Have you even eaten since Christmas?"

Alex looked down at her soup and shook her head. "I got ill the 27th. I had a migraine for two days and my nose got stuffy. Then I started to vomit for a few days before the fever turned up. I've been on the couch since the 30th."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"The twenty sixth," she admitted quietly.

"The _twenty sixth? _Jesus Alex! That's over a week! No wonder you've lost so much weight!"

"I can't get up," she hissed, her throat hurting.

"Well you're doing fine now," Gene said crossly. "Eat. After this bowl you're going to shower and then have another bowl of soup."

Gene made sure that she followed through. As soon as she was done eating, he ushered her in for a shower, starting up the water for her. Halfway through, she realised she hadn't grabbed any clothes, nor a towel, but when she got out, both clothes and a towel were laying on the counter for her. She put on clean clothes for the first time in a week, somehow feeling better just by doing that. Alex rubbed her hair with the towel and brushed it before going back to the kitchen where Gene was waiting with another bowl of soup.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said. The chills didn't seem so cold and the heat less hot than before. Finally, her fever must be breaking.

"Knew you would," Gene said smugly.

"Yeah, thanks Nurse Gene. Now what do I have to do to get you out?"

His expression changed, his eyes flashing. A piece of hair fell into his face. Alex longed to push it back, to touch him, before she caught herself and reigned in her thoughts.

"Bloody hell, Alex. You've just gotten more stubborn. And I'll leave when you see sense."

She glared at him, but made no move to try and get him out of the flat, mostly because after her shower, she had no strength.

Gene, sensing that he'd won, grinned at her and walked out to the sofa, settling on it like he owned the place. Alex sighed. She shouldn't be, but she was really enjoying him being there, taking care of her. Even though he was bloody stubborn and annoying, she felt happy and safe for the first time in nearly a year. What was it about that man that made her feel like this?

Alex finished her soup and walked out to the sofa, staring at the television. Gene was watching her tapes of Pride and Prejudice, something which stunned her. However, she was less stunned when she walked in front of him and saw an expression of bemused frustration on his face. She settled on the other end of the sofa from him, stretching out and watching David Rintoul deliver one of his lines as Mr. Darcy. Alex smiled. He really had nothing on Colin Firth or Matthew MacFadyen. However, she knew that those versions wouldn't be coming out for several years, so for now she suffered through this mini-series.

"This is utter bollocks!" Gene announced suddenly.

"If it's bollocks, why are you watching it?" she asked hoarsely.

He turned and raised his eyebrows at her. "It was the only bloody thing you had in here that I could find."

Realisation dawned on her. She kept her films under the sofa, as she had started stocking half the bookshop on her shelves. Only Pride and Prejudice was out because she had watched it one of the first days she was ill.

"Do you want a Western?" she asked, leaning over the edge of the sofa to look underneath. A few moments later she emerged, holding a copy of _McLintock!_ in her hand. Gene looked at her appreciatively.

"Where'd you get that? Didn't have you down for a Western kind of girl."

"It was in my old flat. I took it when I moved out."

"So it's my old copy that I lost, you thief," he said playfully. "I might have to nick you for that."

"You can't," Alex replied. "You aren't on duty."

"A police officer is always on duty."

Alex rolled her eyes and handed him the tape, stretching out across the whole sofa as soon as he stood up. He put the tape in, turning and staring at her a moment before smirking.

"Not going to work." Gene walked over to where her head was laying on a pillow, making her nervous. What was he going to do, sit on her face until she begged for mercy? However, he merely lifted her torso, settling himself underneath her before putting the pillow back down on his lap and laying her head back down on top of the pillow. Alex turned on her back, looking up at him.

"Gene?"

"Not now, Bolls. The film's started."

"But..."

"Shh!"

Alex glared at him, but shut up anyway. Being up so much was starting to take a toll on her and her throat was sorer. She searched for a comfortable position, finally curling up in a ball, her head still in Gene's lap. The last thing she remembered was the feel of his fingers absentmindedly playing in her hair before she fell into a blissful sleep.

~(*)~

Gene looked down at the sleeping woman on his lap and grinned. When Luigi had let him in, he had decided that the only way he was going to leave the flat was in handcuffs or if he and Alex were back together. It was a mark of how ill Alex was, however, that she was barely fighting him. He figured once she was feeling better, they would have a full blown row.

It was why he was acting the way he was. He figured she must have had a horrible week alone on the sofa, unable to even speak loud enough to call for help. To have someone here must have helped immensely. He wanted her to remember how he had helped her when she was ill in 1981. He wanted to remind her _why_ they had fallen for each other in the first place. However, he was starting to get seriously frustrated with her continued attempts to push him out of the flat. When she had asked how she could get him out, he had seriously considered just walking out and leaving her to suffer, but he had reined it in. He knew though that a few more comments like that and his temper wouldn't hold.

She murmured something in her sleep and he smiled gently, playing with her blonde hair. It was something he couldn't get used to seeing. A blonde Alex. It just seemed completely wrong. For her to be blonde made her seem more like the rest of the women in the world. When she was brunette, she seemed more like a character, different from everyone.

He stared at the screen of the telly where John Wayne was celebrating the Fourth of July. Gene wished he had had the foresight to have gotten a beer before setting Alex on his lap. Now she was sleeping so soundly he didn't want to disturb her in the slightest. He doubted that she'd been getting much sleep in the past several days. Sighing, he settled back into the sofa, ignoring his legs which were going numb, preparing for a long wait.

~(*)~

Alex woke, her limbs feeling stiff and her throat raw. Groaning, she opened her eyes, ready to find anything to soothe it. However, she froze, stunned by the sight in front of her eyes. Somewhere during her sleep, she had turned her head and she'd woken up with her face in Gene's groin. Embarrassed, she sat up quickly, not even wanting to see the smirk on his face. Luckily, he was asleep. He looked so peaceful that she stared, taking him in. His legs were propped up on the coffee table and his arms were outstretched along the back of the couch. His head dangled straight back, mouth open and he snored gently. Alex grinned remembering the last time she had woken up with him. It was almost six years ago now. His hair was greyer, and his face more lined, but he was still the man she had fallen in love with so many years before.

Gene snorted in his sleep, nearly waking up before he relaxed again. Stubble was evident on his chin. Alex estimated it at about a three day growth. She tried to remember if he had been clean shaven when he came in. She didn't think she had slept that long, but she knew that he always shaved for work and that he hadn't left since stepping foot inside her flat. Alex knew how stubborn he was and that he wasn't planning on leaving until she called the police to remove him. She also knew he never took three days off from work in a row, unless there was a reason. The only plausible idea she had to explain the stubble was that he had been in her flat that long.

"Don't watch me sleep woman," Gene mumbled suddenly, not opening his eyes.

Alex grinned as he started snoring again and quietly got off the sofa, ignoring the movie, where John Wayne was now spanking the woman playing his wife. She walked into her kitchen, pulling out some ice and starting to suck on it, letting it tame the burn in her throat. Alex wished she had some Coke or anything. It would hurt to drink it, but the carbonation would numb her throat slightly.

Sighing, she opened the fridge, looking for anything, but knowing that there'd be absolutely nothing to eat. However, as the light flickered on, she was surprised. Her fridge was full of groceries.

"Luigi brought you food while you were sleeping," Gene said from behind her, scaring her and making her jump. "He said he looked while he was here and things were pretty scarce even before he cleaned out the rotting food."

Alex turned around to look at Gene, who was staring at her levelly. "Bread, cheese, three rotting apples and a jar of marmalade. And you were trying to gain weight?"

"Why do you even care?" she asked, bristling at his questions, trying desperately to ignore the fact that he was looking more gorgeous than ever. He had run his hands through his hair and it was slightly messy. His silver blue eyes sparkled with concern and now anger, but at the same time there was a sleepy laziness still hanging over him, reminding her of the times that they had woken up next to each other in bed.

"Do you really have to ask?" he questioned her sharply.

"Gene, we haven't been together since 1983! _Six years,_ Gene."

He stared at her, looking hurt. "And who sat by your side every day for a year, convinced that you would just snap out of it? Who was kicked out by security because they wouldn't leave? Who visited you _every single day_ when you didn't have your memories? Who took you out when the psychologist wanted you to start excursion therapy?"

Alex looked down, feeling guilty, trying desperately to block out his words but was unable to. Gene had gotten angry now, and the hurt in his eyes was replaced by fury.

"No, we haven't been bloody together, but for some reason, I decided to sit by your side," Gene said venomously. "I don't even know why I bothered! Why am I running back to you? You haven't wanted to be near me since you came back the first time around!Sod this. You know what? This has been great, Alex. Thanks for showing me what I've wasted the past six years of my life doing."

He turned, going to collect his coat, but the flat was filled with his rage.

"I don't know why I cared," he said suddenly. "You obviously don't need anyone's help in the world. Just continue to starve yourself, and enjoy sitting on the sofa all alone when you're ill. You don't want me or Shaz or Ray or Chris. So enjoy your isolation."

With that, he left the flat, slamming the door behind him. Alex stared, torn between running out behind him and staying there. She had gotten what she wanted. Gene was going to leave her alone. So why did it all feel so wrong?


	15. Chapter 15

**Cos this is the eeeeeeeeeeeeeend, if you want it! This is the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend!**

**Holy wow. This story is over! (Actually, it has been for AGES, but it's just ending for you.) Well, congratuwelldone for making it to the end of the fic! I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Chapter 15**

Gene stared at his desk, furiously wishing to set the whole thing alight and thereby ridding himself of all the bloody paperwork. Of course, if he set his desk ablaze, there would be paperwork about how the fire was started. It was a never ending cycle that he absolutely hated, even more so now.

He'd been in a bad mood all week, ever since he left Alex's flat. He hadn't meant to explode like that; he actually deeply regretted it. He had just gotten so frustrated with her adamant refusal of letting him back in. He didn't understand why she was so afraid to anymore. He knew that the psychologist had given her a clean bill of health, saying that because she had all her memories, there was little to no chance of her returning to the catatonic state. Especially now, after a year, it was less likely than ever.

There was a knock at his door, and a WPC walked in. Gene pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "What?" he asked rudely.

"Mail for you, sir," she said, unfazed by his demeanour and handing him an envelope.

"Great," he said, pulling the envelope out of her hands and looking at it. Only his name was on the front, the handwriting extremely familiar. "Shut the door on your way out," he snapped at the WPC, who was still standing around.

As soon as she was gone, he ripped the envelope open, pulling the letter out and unfolding it, starting to read the neat script.

_Gene,_

_Can I just start this out by saying that I hate it when you're right? I absolutely hate admitting it. But, you are right in this instance. _

_It was painful to find out that five years of my life were just gone, Gene. That was part of the reason I left. I was convinced that you'd surely found someone better than me, someone without all the mental problems that I seem to have. And then I found out about your devotion and it scared me. _

_It was wrong of me to push you away, all of you. I shouldn't have disappeared without a trace, but I was afraid. I didn't want to slip back and have you once again endure the visits that, according to the nurses, tore you apart. I thought that if I pushed you away, the devotion would cease and that way if I did slip back, you wouldn't feel obligated to come._

_But I was wrong. I treated you like, for lack of a better word, shit. I don't deserve to have your forgiveness, but if you would happen to forgive me, I've a bottle of whiskey in my flat and a copy of 'They Died with Their Boots On' sitting under the couch. _

_All the best,_

_Alex_

Gene stared at the letter in disbelief. She wanted him to come back? She had spent all that time trying to push him away and now she wanted him to come _back? _

_No,_ a small voice in his head said. _Don't go running back to her. That makes you seem like a weak poofter. She gets the upper hand and you're left grovelling like always._

_But isn't this what you've been after?_ said another voice. _Haven't you wanted to go back? And now, you don't even have to apologise for your behaviour. _

Gene grinned. He got to yell at her a week ago, and he didn't have to apologise for it to talk to her again. Going to see her was getting more and more reasonable. Finally, he decided that he would go over after work.

Gene couldn't concentrate in all the meetings he had that afternoon. He was nervous about what Alex was going to say, what she would do. It had been nearly six years before they had experienced any real sort of closeness. But she had defeated all the odds. She had come back with her memories, her personality, when everyone said that she would be stuck staring at a wall the rest of her life. Surely, this meant she could have a normal relationship?

When his last meeting got out, Gene rushed out of the station, ignoring Ray and Chris calling from across the street as they walked down to Luigi's. The Quattro's tyres squealed as he pulled away from the kerb. He took the less crowded residential roads to get to the bookshop, getting there quickly. The bookshop was closed already, but Gene saw lights on upstairs. He tried the doors, but they were locked. How the bloody hell was he supposed to get up there then?

Gene had a sudden flashback to the Royal Wedding in 1981. Alex's bum stamping ceremony had taken place during that case and at the end, they had all shown their arses. Grinning at the memory, he put his hand on the horn of the Quattro, the same way he had gotten her to the window at that time.

Sure enough, after a few moments of blasting the horn, several people appeared at their windows, including her. She opened up her window.

"What the hell are you doing?" she called out.

"Your door is bloody locked. How am I supposed to get in?" he yelled back.

Alex didn't reply, looking thoughtful for a moment before pulling her head in the window and closing it. Gene leaned against his car, ignoring all the neighbours that were now giving him dirty looks. A few moments later, Alex appeared at the doors of the bookshop. He walked over to the doors, and she let him in, staring at him a moment as he walked past.

"I didn't think you'd come back," she said.

"I didn't think you'd invite me back."

"I thought about it for a while."

Gene nodded his head toward the calendar on the wall. "I noticed."

"Well, I had a lot to think about!" she said, angrily. Gene noticed that she was acting a lot better, and the shadows under her eyes were almost gone. "Gene, losing you is what sent me into catatonia in the first place. What happens when something goes wrong on one of your drugs raids?"

Gene shook his head. "Nothing will happen," he said.

"You can't be certain!"

He nodded his head. "Of course I can. I was promoted to Super right after you went back into your catatonia last year. I'm off the streets, Alex. Stuck behind a desk for the rest of my life."

Alex stared at him, as if to figure out if he was telling the truth or not.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't bloody tell you, could I? You wouldn't let me get a flaming word in!"

Alex stared down at the ground. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

Gene hit his ears a few times. "Did I hear that right? Did you just apologise?"

"Shut it," she said, her eyes flashing with annoyance before she scratched her neck awkwardly. "So, do you want some of that whiskey?"

"You know I can't turn that down, Bolly." He gave her a small smile and followed her upstairs.

A few hours later, she was leaning against him on the sofa, his arms around her.

"So what about us?" she asked.

"What about us?" Gene asked her back.

"Do we just continue like nothing happened? Or well, do we take things slow?"

"If your libido is anything like it used to be, I think we can do away with the taking things slow part."

Alex flushed. "So we're definitely back together then?"

"Unless you've got something you're not telling me about."

Alex looked up at him smiling. "I never thought this would happen."

Gene looked down at her, not saying anything, but she knew what he was thinking. Slowly, she pressed her lips to his. He responded, parting his lips and putting his hand behind her head. Slowly, she lay down on the couch, Gene on top of her, slowly undoing her buttons.

Gene pulled away, staring at her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused as to why he stopped.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, getting more frustrated with each second that passed.

His lips captured hers once more, and she responded delightedly. After so long, he was finally hers again. And he would be hers forever.

_~(*)~_

She stood next to the lion, staring out into the world Alex had created for her so long ago. It was flickering again, but she was not worried this time. She knew that the world would be hers forever, but there was one little thing to get out of the way before it was.

The lion nudged her hand and she absentmindedly scratched its mane, waiting. Soon, the person she was waiting for came over the hill, looking immensely confused. She stepped forward to meet the woman.

"Alex," she said, and the other woman approached her.

"Did I go back?" Alex asked worriedly.

She shook her head. "You're here for one reason only. It's time for us to part ways permanently."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that when you go back, there is going to be no risk of you returning here. This world is going to close off."

"How am I here now?"

She smiled at the obvious anxiety on Alex's face. "You're dreaming, Alex. Don't worry. You have not returned to the state you were in before."

Alex relaxed visibly. "And I never have to worry about returning here?"

She shook her head. "No. This world is being sealed off inside your mind. If you go through anything like you did and must come back, you will create a new world."

"That won't happen," Alex said. "I don't have the same job."

She smiled. "Good. Well, I guess this is goodbye. I've got nothing else except to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For creating me. For letting me live. For this world. It'll be sealed off, but I'll still exist, in the deepest recesses of your mind. So I have to thank you for my existence."

Awkwardly, she hugged Alex, before the lion approached the woman. "He wants you to kneel down and look him in the eye," she said.

Alex did so, and the lion nuzzled her face before putting his paw around her in a hug-like manner.

She knew it was his way of saying goodbye.

Alex stood back up. "How do I get out of here?"

"The same way as last time. Over that hill, turn left and then straight on until you get back."

Alex nodded, starting to walk away.

She started petting the lion's mane once more as they watched her go. Once Alex was over the hill, she turned to the lion.

"Shall we go back to the tree then?" she asked.

The lion blinked once, which she knew was an affirmation. They walked to the tree and she climbed it, noticing that she could see Alex from the branches. She was walking slowly, but determinedly away from the world.

She smiled. Finally, everything was as it should be once more.

~(*)~

The world was fading for her, becoming less and less vibrant. Alex smiled as she continued on. Finally, she could put this whole ordeal behind her. She and Gene could be together now without worrying about the future.

The world faded to grey, and she heard a voice, his voice. Alex closed her eyes to listen to him.

"_Alex! Wake up! Wake up Alex!"_

She tried to open her eyes, but they were heavy.

"_Jesus Christ woman, you've learned to sleep in the past six years. Wake up!"_

Slowly, she opened her eyes, to see Gene staring at her, his chest beautifully bare and his hair ruffled from sleep.

"What's going on?" she asked thickly.

"You're supposed to open the shop in about two hours, and I have a present for you." He grinned wolfishly, rolling on top of her, leaving no doubt as to what her present was going to be.

Alex grinned, running her hand through his hair. "I'm back, Gene," she murmured as he started to kiss her neck. "I'm not going anywhere."

He looked up at her. "Good," he said, starting to trail kisses down her stomach. "Because I wasn't letting you out of this bed anyway."

Alex smiled as his kisses continued to get lower. Finally, her life was back to normal.

**Rant**


End file.
